My dad gave me a sense of humor & his nose,

                                my mom gave her chin & optimism.

                                I’m somewhere between 

                                his realism & her mysticism.

                                I have their defense mechanisms,

                                mannerisms, 

                                & probably more isms. 

                                When I was shy & small,

                                I inherited both of their shells

                                but shy becomes awkward as an adult

                                so I’m a party turtle now,

                                fun loving & social 

                                but wanting to disappear 
                                into my own home. 

                                I poke my head out 

                                & check the weather,

                                hoping to improve myself

                                                                       

                                because I am the love
                                I give & take,     
                                animated by

                                the energy I create,

                                passed on to whoever I make,

                                whoever let’s me into 

                                their space or experience. 

                                .Laura Curren.

                       

                       The pharmacist said it was like a forest fire

                       & whichever medication I choose 

                       won't bring back the burnt trees 

                       but it will fight about 30-60% of the flames.

                       I can't get my trees back?

                       It’s a strange thing to be told my body 

                       is working against me. 

                       It’s a strange thought to wonder if I gave this to myself 

                       from doubt & worry & stress,

                                             self sabotaging or blaming the wrong things
                       or too many beauty products or microwaved meals,
                       who knows.

                       I think in some ways I’ve always avoided myself

                       so this was a rude physical reminder 

                       that my time gets eaten by those who don’t offer
                       transparency to me,     

                       That wrestling my self doubt is actually won 
                       by asking why it’s there.

                                     

                        On my brother’s birth certificate 
                        my mom wrote, “human” under race. 

                        I know skin color is an adjective 

                        that comes with baggage 

                        & it falls on a spectrum of stereotypes. 

                        These labels haunt my idea of peace 

                        when we are nothing left but energy.

                        Imagine if you looked at your soul 

                        outside of your body, 

                        what color would it be? 

                        What type of emotions, efforts, 

                        & dreams would you see? 

                        Would you be a tornado of anger 

                        & unresolved issues? Would you be 

                        a sweeping hand of comfort? 

                        Would you be passion 

                        unfurling its petals? 

                        My mom knew that people 

                        liked their categories 

                        but she understood, above all else,

                        if this earth is called mother,

                        she can die of a broken heart. 

                        .Laura Curren.

                            It sounded rehearsed

                            like canned remorse, 

                            like so many times before.

                            Your feelings have changed,

                            your eyes aren’t the same; 

                            they look away & through me,

                            as if you knew me.

                            This is best described as 

                            a polite kick in the ribs

                            but what hurt me even more

                            is that I found myself 

                            saying your words

                            to someone else.

                            .Laura Curren.