I feel like I'm always waiting for you;
Staring at a clock,
a box,
a door,
Waiting for our story to begin again
the way it usually does;
Burning brightly & intensely,
Burning for strength, 
for warmth,
Excitement,
& reactions,
For a calming haze.
Waiting until it's too hot,
Waiting to watch the flames 
dance & bend
& with insatiable appetite,
consume all they touch.
Waiting to watch fire, 
exhausted by its own desires,
die in the ash
If given no room to breathe.

In the similar manner
          that I have to remind myself to breathe while eating,
I acknowledge that my attention can crave
   even more than I can take.
I remind myself to slow down
           with the people I let into my more than occassional thoughts.
& I ask why not try to transfer this pace 
            to other aspects of my life;
a career, 
saving money, 
buidling a talent,
building myself.
               I'm aware. 
But my energy speaks for me
   & the vessel of my body obeys.
I go where my mind takes me,
           I'm influenced by my own ways.
The past may provide suggestive signs
& I could follow them if it seems comfortable.
           I may wander until I'm tired
& disenchanted by my own chaos.
But I could find a moment of my own clarity & beauty
& peace of mind may find me. 

It's hard to see you cling to the idea of a man,

A steady dragging of ideals through a comfortable mud, 

Setting no boundaries except for testing your trivial limits;

How pissed off can I get about this unfinished laundry 

though it stems from larger problems? Etc.

I see suppressed passion for a world outside of his.

I see promises floating away from you,

& a warped sky that lets them pass through.

I see how easy it is for you to not see at all.

If I fall in love with another writer,
I might die in adjectives.
We might be too many Christmas lights.
We could write novels over minor details 
& already over analyze the future. 
We could fall like heavy shadows on the ground.
But. 
We might make music want to write for us.
We could be the stars spearing through the dark.
We could be sex made of sunshine & lightning.
We could curl up in each other's words 
& fall deeply 
for the way they're animated. 

.Laura Curren.









Tie me up with the 
curls of the smile that I have 
when I talk to you.

.Laura Curren. 

Passion is a fun friend of mine

     We can stay up late

     & touch each other 

     until we can't think or speak.

     We can escape into ideas,

     forget everything to remember each other.

     But I could never call you at 2 am 

     when my thoughts are strangled around 
     the strange concept of self esteem,

     energy fueled by trusting myself.

     I could never ask you to hold my hand when I'm nervous, 

     to calm me not with an orgasm,

     but with a voice that undresses my worries

     & allows me to see them for what they really are.

     I could never ask you

     to hold everything I carry,

     the aftermath. 

     I could fuck you until I'm hungry 

     but I could never ask you to stay for breakfast. 

       .Laura Curren.

In a surreal way,
I remember talking about some very real things.
I remember looking at you from across the couch,
seeming like miles away,
but here all at once,
again.
You had been gone a long time
& I was just starting to end
lingering thoughts of you...
But your memory hit me 
like an unexpected sting
& then there you were,
on my couch,
Telling me you had been miles away
& you had felt that way
but you're here now
all at once,
again.

"Don't run away from me again..."
I said to you in my laundry room
Because we were about to have some sex & fun
& we were on drugs
& the world was just right there;
In a little house,
Eyes and souls connecting,
We were something,
Intertwined timelines,
We were carried by our smiles and spirits.
We could feel it,
Really feel it-
But
Something in there
Removed a chair
& the music stopped.

talked to an ex of mine today and he said

You are the most open yet guarded person out there. It's like theres a nerve at a certain level of understanding that once touched has you raise your walls.

Some nights when my mind is not calm,

I can't cut off the tentacles of negativity

or make laughter ring from my lonely heart.

I feel the need for someone,

To be distracted from my thoughts,

But on some nights my thoughts need me,

& I let them have me,

Let them unfurl like smoke,

Like ferns,

Like tongues.

I let them curve into questions

& I don't always feel answers,

But I feel something,

Connected to my own interpreted universe,

My version of now,

& I think about everything that I perceive to be everything.

I just sit

& try to let my mind ride freely,

A moment away from the traffic of routine,

Away from the labels people are supposed to give me,

The clutter of what others have said to me,

The mindless letters & numbers,

& this sort of boring normalcy

That's only craved when your world is in chaos.

On these nights my escape is in my own head

& though I make no sound, I am not quiet.

My mind & heart operate me,

My love and curiosity animate me.

I thank my subconscious thoughts

for singing to people who understand,

Those in this life

Who have heard my heart beat,

Who have put their ear to my chest

& wanted to know what makes me alive.

You left so easily.

You kept a straight face

While I fell apart in the doorway.

I cast an invisible force field

That shook with my eyes and my words.

You didn't sound or look anything like this,

So anger took over me.

I threw your things,

Threw the last of you I could hold.

The words balled up in me

& I threw them against your back.

I shoved you as hard as I could think of

& you fell over

& told me I was fuckin' nuts

As you had a right to do...

Because I had to be as explosive 

As when we first came together!

However way you wanna read that.

But even if they were throwing things-

My arms were still open. 

I remembered you randomly today,

& thought about that one date.

You took me to a low-lit, 

cool-cocktail-named,

nothing less than $15 place

& talked about mixology

& I didn't care.

I thought it was cool that you had a tattoo

but also thought it was kind of a shitty tattoo.

You smoked 10, 000 cigarettes

& I felt mildly poisoned.

I always thought you were cute in highschool

& told you that years later on facebook.

I was caught in your social web

& decided to add another dimension

& meet in person.

So we did & we went to a few bars.

In the middle of one of them

you said: "Kiss me right now."

So I did

& we were a movie in the middle of mediocrity 

for just a memory of a moment.

Even a girl came up & said: "Y'all cant be kissing like that in front of all of us single people!"

But I started laughing and told her it was our first kiss

& she said "Damn! Really?!"

Because I knew, 

& I guess everyone else knew, that looked good.

So we give that kiss room to escalate,

We go back to your place.

I know it's fast but there I am,

looking at your tv show collection naked

& judging your choices

Game of Thrones, not bad,

back to pretend sleeping in this new environment.

Then there's some romantic morning boner

& you walk me out

& call me dude

& give me a poor excuse for a hug 

while my wincing face is on the other side of your shoulder.

I laugh and shake it off as soon as my car key turns

& only think of you 

when you come up as a dumb anecdote.

My love feels like a little kite in my chest-
& maybe that makes you laugh when I say that,
But maybe that makes you want a turn too.
So I let you try.
I add a challenge before I do.
I add some weight for you;
Ribbons to ropes in a future scope.
But this little kite is riding any up it can take,
Battling sudden turns & pride
To learn that beautiful views are not easy.
Sometimes there will be gravity
& boring reality.
Sometimes you'll prefer movement,
Even if violent,
Just to be high again.
Sometimes if you're really lucky
You can escape all branches rooted in fear,
& feel like you were made for this.