im not cynical about love,
if anything i need to be a little more bitter....or whats another word for that.....realistic?
but when i hear people talking about forever
and its only been a couple of months
im as concerned as a tattoo that senses it will be removed
and i know everything looks good from out there on the bleachers
but when you get close, there is sweat, and mud and heat
theres exhaustion, blood, and grinding teeth
and if you dont take the proper time to get to know the grit first
youll be dehydrated by the early intoxication of sweet
and i know the path is long and the beginning is charged,
i just dont think there should be any shortcuts when meaning is involved

you, i, we, want to say the right things
words that are beautiful
words that keep us safe for when we need them
but speech can be clumsy
it can be crude and wait thats not what i meant
i didnt mean to say it that way!
famous voices can put you, me, us to shame
and in some situations,
language is tied to the chair of our emotions
and you, i, we simply can not speak
the thoughts that are scratching can not be let out
our tongues are bound by a silenced logic
but i want you to know how i feel!
because love isnt all beautiful
and the unromantic can really be romantic in disguise
so ill try to spell it out for you cuz i know youre not a very good speller.

go out dancing

youre a beautiful girl on a friday night
the world around you will stop and look
at you feeling the chemicals you took
but this is all for a release
for the pinches of pressure to cease
just your body caught in a wave
music telling it how to behave
to obey the bass
shaking from the ground to your face
with those eyes made dark and bright
to speak through the dim of the light
they might call out for a dancing knight
to rescue you from the beasts that hold tight
to the sway of your hips without permission
who surprise you into submission
should your telling eyes be heard

the right moves will pull you away from the absurd
because you are meant to move this way
you listen to speakers in respect

let the beats make their speech
your attention they do beseech
so shake your ass and be polite
as they speak to you tonight

We wear a coat of memories
and the longer we wear,
the thicker it gets,
and it is warm and protective
but it is heavy and possessive
so when you remove such safe threads
when you try to pluck a warmth that has grown over time
the cold that spikes up your skin can feel like
waking up alone in the morning over and over
but you won't forget the heat that was there
no, you couldn't forget that

i like to make friends
and meet new people
and take pictures with these people
and get drunk and dance
and smile pretty and wear dangerous shoes
i like to make conversation in bathroom lines
and tell girls how pretty they look cuz i know it makes them feel good
i like to make jokes and make people think im charming
and im special and im sweet and theres no one like
but i dont get close to many people
i cant say i love more than a handful of people
i mean this drink is really good
but you havent seen me throwing up my life
you havent read what i write
you havent seen me cry
you havent really felt me
and you probably wont
but it was nice to meet you

the pain that life brings creates pinholes in your heart
but these allow for the love of others to fall into them

i dream all the time
so reality is not serious to me unless someone points it out
im mad at people for making goals into tangible objects
and im mad because i dont know what my goals are
i have no sense of direction, only the directions i see other people going

the other night blaine and i were up at grizzly peak surrounded in our own smoke, good music, and good moods. the winter fog had not touched this night and we could see all of the bay twinkling bright and rushing by. when we left, the lights of the city striped past us as we went down the winding roads of the peak (have to go through some shit to get to some good shit i guess, roughly stated). but when we arrived at the bottom of the snaking streets i noticed the red glow of warning; flares spread along the ground and i thought maybe an accident ahead-no an accident right here! inches away from the car, we had better slow down because there is a car right here! flipped over right here! oh my god this just happened "That just happened!" Blaine explains to reaffirm my thoughts. oh my god this happens all the time. glass trickled down from the driver's window. "There's someone still in there!" this happens all the time oh my god. that car is completely flipped over..this happens all the time. my chest is thick and as surprised as i am to be this close to something like this tears puddle in my eyes and its a clear night but im blurry and the flares are so red and smeared and i can't breathe and this happens all the time. "Baby pull over, let me drive" but why cry why be upset this is not me upside down in broken glass. this is not me. but it could be. it happens all the time. breathe breathe breathe. it happens.

well fuck

i was brewing the coffee at work
and a veteran employee, alfonso,
asked me when i was going back to school
i shake out the grounds and say "hopefully in the fall"
and he looks me in my tired early morning eyes and says
"there's no future here"
and i pour my education down the drain every minute im here

i try to write about life in a beautiful way
but sometimes it just isn't attractive
sometimes the unexpected will pull at your thoughts
and you cant help but drown in your own head
sometimes it isnt fair and chances are cruel
and you take your anger out on small things disguised as larger things
but that a touch
a look, a sentiment,
could start the path to feeling better,
that by being there you say to someone
the struggles you carry are for you and you alone,
your mind is your own
but i will relate with you
i will help you, i will love you
i will be someone in your life
i will try to show you how beautiful you are

i could be like one of those writers ive read about that never publishes any of their stuff and becomes famous after death and then becomes studied and printed in a book that students like me have read.
or i could be that lazy bitch that never publishes any of her stuff.

i play songs for you
and here is my mating call
i hope my ipod selection turns you on
i hope you'll let me scroll what you got too
i hope you dont mind me taking a peek
to figure out if those tastes match your physique
see if you know about sounds i dont know
if you pirate this treasure
cause you need to listen to it now now now
if you talk to me through an art,
we can get vulnerable and deep if you want.
you can tell me about the songs you like when youre not feelin right.
we can try to play emotions if we cant play words
& light up that part of the brain, make it sway and sing
we can know each other without saying a thing
if you be the love to your music and the music to my love