Drake - Too Much (ft. Sampha)

We're driving cadillacs in our dreams

I like it when you do that stuff to me

A couple days before this I told an ex I wasn't looking for anything or anybody

Something about you in my mind said
there's something about this,
about you.
& I could feel it in the pull of conversation,
I could feel a magnetism only felt by something inside,
something inside that says there's something,
that surely nothing is no longer a resident,
nothing left and something came,
& I can feel it
there and here and now.
& when I feel it like this,
I remember why there are so many feelings,
so many wonderful, confusing
fucking terrifying
but beautiful
such beautiful
feelings to be felt,
and that's something.

If you think it'd be nice to know who I am,

to see my beginnings and my present,

to be in my presence,

then please,

show me how you do it,

show me how you love.

I know you wanna show off
tell me about your good luck
your travels,
& who you fuck.
I know you wanna make me
apart of that still,
but you never did
& you never will.

presently

The people I am always the most interested in don't seem to fully give themselves to me. Maybe that's because there are pieces of myself that I never really, fully give.
Today I had one of those moments that stretches into a sad train of thought. That can be visualized by the crunchy and forgotten leaves being rustled and stirred into a web in the wind, carried off and away into a somehow peaceful chaos. Things change. Things are changing. I feel so in love with people. I get saturated in someone and then it's squeezed out of me. I get dry. Really though who doesn't get wrung out once in awhile. I feel like I get too invested in one person and it feels like a distraction from myself. I have almost an over abundance of love in my life yet I don't know what to do with it. There is a part of me that I am keeping dull. There is something inside that is too scared to grab the microphone. And I know it's okay to be shy but I can't help but feel I am smothering myself. You are doing this on purpose somehow aren't you? And then I sigh because I may know how and what but not why. Life is just a giant why but the how and the what are what make your answers to that question significant. All I can really think of is love.

January 11, 2013

tonight I ripped off my fake nails
yes it felt exactly as that sounds

Music all day. Fuck sometimes I forget how much I appreciate it. How a new song can fill my heart and just take over for the next few days. It's kind of a love hate relationship sometimes. I can get so burnt out by my music and bored with it. Then I go on this musical rampage and find all these songs to be excited about. I need it in the car. I need it for my soul.

I sat up on your lap,
you laid flat on your back,
you held onto my hips,
I rocked a little bit.
You said,
tilting your head,
"Sing for me."
I shut
my timid eyes,
& stifled a sigh,
I threw my head back,
hoping my words wouldn't crack.
I let it out,
you let it in,
a piece for you to hear,
to rest in your ears,
a moment I won't give to anyone else.
I open my eyes,
your smile is wide,
my heart is too,
it opened more
because of you.

you are what you write.
am i a mess of metaphors
a message with no particular order
feelings tangled up in word choice
a trail of thoughts...
running off poorly punctuated cliffs
do i capitalize what is not priority
do i think in the wrong tenses
do i not use all five of my senses
should i pause more
semi separate my thoughts
own up to my apostrophes
demand more in exclamation
stop dashing in hesitation

to all the girls starving inside & out

and the fat girls full of feelings

I'm somewhere in between,

but I know what you mean.