For awhile there I wanted to be lost in nothing.
I wanted to be a part of the couch 
& my fantasies come untrue.
I wanted to be a reality tv character 
saying entertaining & crude things,
getting drunk & stupid, crying & calling back home.  
I wanted to be the girl from a movie 
with an inspiring title, looking romantically lost
with her eyes in the rain waiting to have 
her inhibitions & dress torn off. 
I wanted to be crushed grapes 
& tears in a glass & my feelings at the bottom 
of ice cream cartons. I wanted to be every cliché 
of heartbreak until I scraped myself off pillows 
soaked with my sorrows. Until I opened a window 
& let the outside wink at me through the blinds. 
I wanted to be my own private mess until 
I gave up on giving up, until I not only 
had but gave fucks, 
until this state of being 
left without telling me. My smeared focus 
started to sharpen. This representation 
of me was no longer fitting. This on sale version 
of me asking to be worn & loved at the cost 
of a lower value was a chapter 
but not my whole story. 
Once the map of all my thoughts, 
you became just a stop. 
A point to gather myself & move on. 
There's too much I have yet to see out there. 

.Laura Curren.