For awhile I wanted someone to have their 
arm around me as a prop.
I wanted exes to see that I could still do things,
I could still be fun while my thoughts were stamped 
by the same words over & over, that the light in my
eyes wasn't drowning by the weights in my mind.
I wanted smiles to create curiosity. 
I wanted to prove to people I could shake myself out 
of my own lovesick heart. I wanted to be a new 
confident picture. I wanted the wrong reasons. 
But when I sat to rest with my own thoughts 
after endlessly being out of breath,I stopped 
thinking about how people perceived my happiness. 
Not how it all looked, but how it really felt. 
While I was screaming internally for attention, 
I never knew that I was really screaming for myself. 
The screams turned into soft reminders. 
A moment of peace spread over my chest & decided to 
stay for as long as I invited it. 
I smiled, no longer proving it to others 
but owing it to myself. 

.Laura Curren.