I get comfortable. 

The reality of how things have evolved sets in. 

I can feel a change. I fear it too. 

I panic for a moment. But I want it.  

I want it so bad I make it my world 

& forget I had my own before it. 

So I tell myself to relax. 

but I feel their sentiments & affection weaken 

the deeper I get. 

I feel a dull paranoia reminding me this has all 

happened before.

The further I reach for validation 

I'm left to look only in my own eyes & wonder what 

invites faded promises. But my blame serves no purpose. 

I look in my own eyes & see a version of myself who tells me this will all make sense someday. These emotional tests. 

These days. This doubt. It will all amount to something better, lighter, than this feeling. 

I'll keep telling myself that until I believe it.