Apathy struck 

like a cut l didn’t even

realize was bleeding

.Laura Curren. 

A large coffee stain on my living room carpet 

used to bother me so much. 

Peppermint mocha bullshit. 

Irritating me from the corner of my eye.

l covered it with a decorative box. 

But l knew it was there. 

I’d come back to it & soak it with stain lifters 

& my frustration. l was persistent. 

It lasted through a couple relationships. 

One ex said “you’re never going to get that out. 

You could spend that energy 

cleaning the rest of your house.” 

But l say l don’t work that way! 

I’m always extreme. Either it’s a disaster 

or it’s like it was never there. 

The day the stain finally lifted from beige fibers, 

l smiled at its absence 

& the rest of my messy house.

 “See! l got it out.” 

.Laura Curren.

Crestfallen;

what a beautiful way 

to say 

it didn’t come out the way

I planned.

My head held up by mechanics 

& optimistic humor

has fallen, 

has sunk into a moment.

The deeper I sink 

the more it meant to me. 

Pain becomes my skin 

& I protect it by fighting.

But eventually,

violently, 

then quietly, 

anger leaves me 

& what it meant to me 

rolls down my cheeks.

.Laura Curren.

A large coffee stain on my living room carpet 

used to bother me so much. Peppermint mocha bullshit. Irritating me from the corner of my eye. 

l covered it with a decorative box. But l knew it was there. I’d come back to it to soak it with stain lifters 

& my frustration. l was persistent. 

It lasted through a couple relationships. 

One ex said “you’re never going to get that out. You could spend that energy cleaning the rest of your house.” 

But l don’t work that way! l say. I’m always extreme. 

Either it’s a disaster or it’s like it was never there. 

the day that mess was finally lifted from beige fibers, l smiled at its absence & the rest of my messy home. 

“See! l got it out.” 

.Laura Curren.

At the height of feeling low, 

l once asked whoever or whatever was listening 

that l wouldn’t care as much as l do. 

To take all this everything l feel

& make it muted. Make it nothing. 

Heartbreak & anger & sorrow & romance. 

Everything all at once. 

I’m everything all at once. 

Then apathy struck 

like a cut l didn’t even realize was bleeding. 

The colors in my heart left

& l became a host to vacancy. 

But even when silent screams stopped in my eyes,

even in this blank state of mind, 

l wished to take it all back. 

To feel is to be alive.  

.Laura Curren.