Thursday, November 20, 2008

the glass just is

i remember in my public speaking class our teacher
asked us to do an impromptu speech on whether
the glass is half empty or half full.
i listened to people explain why the world
always had something to look forward to
or why we were all going to hell.
if you stay positive you can accomplish great things
/no matter how hard you try youre fucked over 
have a positive outlook and good things will come
/lower your expectations so you won't be disappointed.
i said "I see it as just a glass,
you can't have one without knowing that the other exists.
You don't know happiness if you don't know pain.
You don't know full if you don't know empty."
i was glad simply for having a different answer
then the guy asked to speak after me said the same thing.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


we were looking up names on and this was one for laura
6.Laura64 up19 down love ithate it
a laura is a being, typically female, with an overall good personality 
-lauras generally listen to good music and lack their own form of transportation 
-one major flaw some lauras possess is their failure to watch donnie darko as often as they should 
-although lauras have some faults, they are typically above average intelligence and liked by most 

"dude, did you just see that laura over there?" 

"i so did man, i so didddddddd" 

"lauras generally listen to good music and lack their own form of transportation" 
im taking the bus/BART home for thanksgiving..yeahhh
and yes i need to get donnie darko.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

yeah yeahhhh....

1. Last cigarette: ummmmm like 2 years ago and it was my first one
2. Last beverage: orange juice
3. Last phone call: my mom
4. Last text message: shamrina
5. Last CD played: a cd mix for my shower woo!
6. Last bubble bath: forever ago
7. Last time you cried: hah...when i was on the phone with the tech support lady for my crashed laptop
8. Last meal: teriyaki chicken sandwich with stir fry vegetables

EIGHT Have You’s

1. Have you ever dated someone twice? yes..but i remembered why it didnt work out the first time

2. Have you ever been cheated on? yeah

3. Have you ever bought condoms? nope, they're free in some places you know, condom connections

4. Have you ever kissed someone & regreted it? yes

5. Have you ever fallen in love? yes, there's no "kind of" way to answer that

6. Have you ever lost someone? if this refers to death, i dont think lost is the right word, but yes. 

7. Have you ever been depressed? sure, i think its healthy to have been at one point.

8. Have you ever been drunk and thrown up? woopsie. some nights have not agreed with me.

Name SIX things you did in the past three days

1. went out to thai with shamrina

2. saw ashley's kitten

3. smoking adventures/non adventures

4. talked to my mom for awhile

5. king's cup

6. couch potatoed with some cool people

List THREE people you can tell pretty much anything to
1. shamrina
2. bora
3. mom
List THREE favorite colors
1. turquoise
2. pink
3. black, and dont give me that its not a color business

List TWO things you want to do before you die

1.) have a meaningful career
2.) travel the world with somebody i love

SO FAR IN 08′…

Made a new friend- yesm

Done something you swore never to do - hmm..i think so?

Laughed until you cried -yes, my annual goal

Went behind your parents back - welllll i had a party when they werent there..

Met someone who changed your life - well, a couple of people have given me a new perspective
Gotten close to someone- yeah, its funny to think about there ever being an awkward stage with some people isnt it?

Found out who your true friends were - i definitely think the older you get the more you find out who your true friends are. you meet people and you filter through them over the years and you find the good ones are still sticking around. 


1. Bush? youve been replaced.

2. Gay Marriage? Love is love.

4. Straight, Gay, Bi? whatever makes you happy

6. Who is the best hugger that you know? hmmm i dont think theres a champion for that title yet. but to all the people who give those pat pat, barely touching, might as well hug a pole hugs, you suck. 

7. Do you believe in love at first sight? if you're seeing with your pants

8. Is there something you want to tell someone? kinda

9. What brand of shirt are you wearing? a comfy one

10. Do you like anybody right now? : }

11. Does anybody like you? do they?

12. How many bf/gfs have you said "I love you" to and meant it? 2

13. How many kids do you want to have? 2 i think...

14. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? i love them with all my heart

15. Do you wanna change your name? nay

16. What will you do for your birthday? umm celebrate the legalization of my intoxication 

17. What time did you wake up today? 10-11

18. What were you doing at midnight last night? couching it up at shamrinas

19. Name something you CANNOT wait to do: i CANNOT wait to come home for thanksgiving

20. Last time you saw your dad? a few weeks ago

21. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself? i wish i was more motivated sometimes

22. Which hand do you like better? well the left hand came in a close second

23. What are you listening to right now? damien rice

25. Have you ever donated money to a good cause? why yes. but i think ice cream is also a good cause.

26. Have you ever talked about someone behind their back? who hasnt? bitch

27. Least favorite month? i dunno, february/ march? nothing really happening for me there

28. What’s the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone? ummm i dont remember...maybe i should borrow more things

29. Who’s getting on your nerves right now? my nerves are alright

30. Most visited webpage? spacebook

31. Would you help your best friend fight if he/she is losing? of course

32. Coke or Pepsi? coke

33. What’s the worst day of your life? fuck you question

34. Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past week? i got one of those european kiss kiss face introductions

35. Do you disagree with a lot of things going on in the world? i think you would have to be kind of fucked up if you agreed with a lot of what was going on in the world. 

Friday, November 14, 2008

The Man He Killed

by Thomas Hardy

Had he and I but met
   By some old ancient inn,
We should have set us down to wet
   Right many a nipperkin! 

   But ranged as infantry,
   And staring face to face,
I shot at him as he at me,
   And killed him in his place. 

   I shot him dead because—
   Because he was my foe,
Just so: my foe of course he was;
   That's clear enough; although 

   He thought he'd 'list, perhaps,
   Off-hand like—just as I—
Was out of work—had sold his traps—
   No other reason why. 

   Yes; quaint and curious war is!
   You shoot a fellow down
You'd treat, if met where any bar is,
   Or help to half a crown.

You know when if under different circumstances, you think you could be friends with someone? 

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

this is what your heart tells you to do?

"What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don't you, as human beings, have to embrace... that love? The world is barren enough.

It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling.  With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. "

shamrina showed me this video, and i know some people are saying oh prop 8 passed get over it, but i haveta hope that somebody-anybody would be willing to open their mind just a little more from this. 

"All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate.  

You don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it." 

Monday, November 10, 2008

Riding a Bike

     His face is leaning in towards mine, and quite honestly I am terrified. My memory flashes to
when I was about eight years old, riding a bike for the first time. I feel old and useless on this 
rusted bike; all of the other children know how to ride by now and I am just starting. The bike 
looks harmless enough, its fading purple paint and daisy stickers are peeling off and the glittery
handle bars seem inviting. This modest machine, however, would later turn into wheels of 
      I start off timidly, no need to rush. I wobble a couple of feet down my flat and welcoming
driveway, building confidence and speed. I have not yet mastered the brakes as I am still 
dragging my feet on the cement, but I am feeling braver. After a couple hours of practice, I feel
I am ready to ride down the street. I begin to peddle painfully slow, my handle bars and eyes 
sparkling in the sun. I am ready now; I can feel my heart knocking through my chest and the 
stale summer air rushing onto my round cheeks. I am riding a bike! I am riding, riding, riding a
bike! I am going, going, going-to fall.

     A small rock makes my front wheel swerve to the left, and suddenly I am hurtling down my
neighbor's monstrously steep driveway. My honey colored hair is crashing like waves under my 
pink helmet, my breath is violently bouncing out of my lungs, and my small and helpless hands
are digging into the handlebars in glittery terror. After it feels as though I have ridden down a 
cheese grater, I am slammed into my neighbor's garage door. This abrupt ending leaves me 
stunned until I begin to feel the warm flow of reality running out of my nose. The blood is
persistent and steadily leaks through the cracks of my fingers. By the time my mother has come
to help me, my sleeves are damp with crimson and my bike looks as though it has been 
murdered. The mix of tears and blood on my face almost makes me unrecognizable, but that
awful, rusted bike is unmistakably mine.

     He softly brushes his lips to mine and says gently, "Don't worry, it's just like riding a bike."

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

new laptop, puppy, and president

the breeder said she liked my hair because it looked like it was on fire.

her name is harlow
like the beautiful, blonde, and spunky actress gene harlow from the 30's. 

and she is incredifuckingbly cute. 



Monday, November 3, 2008

i was thinking about oil

while i was going to sleep but my cat wont shut the fuck up so im writing this.
i dont know if i will keep it yet. i dont know who its supposed to be about. i dont know i dont know i dont knoooow.

the boy was young and bright
but filled with toxic notions
that love filled your veins with heavy black
and it spat you out of the earth
until you were dried up and worthless.
he met women that tried to purify him,
said wings hid in these polluted thoughts.
he met women who drained his energy
drilled to be deeper inside,
buried by their own dirt.
women who said he poisoned their oceans,
cried out for floating skeletons,
but at his feet he hadn't noticed
the path of matches
the flames climbing up his spine
by the friction of melting lips
the feelings burning
in his throat
and he wanted so badly to tell her
the word he thought left you worthless.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Maynard said

"...I'm sure many of you have had that situation where you've, uh, come in contact with someone who you thought you had some kind of connection with, but their behavior was so eractic and over the top and scattered that you're not sure what hit you; kinda like a tornado relationship..."

Cast the calming apple
Up and over satellites
To draw out the timid wild one
To convince you it's all right

And I listen for the whisper
Of your sweet insanity
While I formulate denials
Of your effect on me

You're a stranger
So what do I care?
You vanish today
Not the first time I hear
All the lies
What am I to do with all this silence?

Shy away, shy away phantom
Run away, terrified child
Won't you move away
Fuckin' tornado
I'm better off without you
Tearin' my will down