Thursday, June 7, 2018

                  Your smile & laugh was  
                  a burning ball of gas
                  keeping me warm & alive
                  with brighter eyes 
                  But the closer I got to you 
                  the more you warned me
                  that you’re too much to touch 
                  & if I really knew 
                  what it felt to feel you 

                  I’d burn from the rush

                      .Laura Curren.

Monday, January 1, 2018

All I wanted 
was a reassuring breath 
across my shoulders while I slept. 
But I hadn’t become my own person yet.
Wanting someone else to show me who I am 
is like me telling you who I am; 
my words aren’t real 
unless you feel them. 
I can keep asking for somebody.
I can keep stepping in shallow 
until I meet my own depths. 

This won’t change 
if I sit in the same place & wait. 
This won't change until I offer what I ask for.

.Laura Curren. 

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Apathy struck 
like a cut l didn’t even

realize was bleeding

.Laura Curren. 

A large coffee stain on my living room carpet 
used to bother me so much. 
Peppermint mocha bullshit. 
Irritating me from the corner of my eye.
l covered it with a decorative box. 
But l knew it was there. 
I’d come back to it & soak it with stain lifters 
& my frustration. l was persistent. 
It lasted through a couple relationships. 
One ex said “you’re never going to get that out. 
You could spend that energy 
cleaning the rest of your house.” 
But l say l don’t work that way! 
I’m always extreme. Either it’s a disaster 
or it’s like it was never there. 
The day the stain finally lifted from beige fibers, 
l smiled at its absence 
& the rest of my messy house.
 “See! l got it out.” 

.Laura Curren.

what a beautiful way 
to say 
it didn’t come out the way
I planned.
My head held up by mechanics 
& optimistic humor
has fallen, 
has sunk into a moment.
The deeper I sink 
the more it meant to me. 
Pain becomes my skin 
& I protect it by fighting.
But eventually,
then quietly, 
anger leaves me 
& what it meant to me 
rolls down my cheeks.

.Laura Curren.

A large coffee stain on my living room carpet 
used to bother me so much. Peppermint mocha bullshit. Irritating me from the corner of my eye. 
l covered it with a decorative box. But l knew it was there. I’d come back to it to soak it with stain lifters 
& my frustration. l was persistent. 
It lasted through a couple relationships. 
One ex said “you’re never going to get that out. You could spend that energy cleaning the rest of your house.” 
But l don’t work that way! l say. I’m always extreme. 
Either it’s a disaster or it’s like it was never there. 
the day that mess was finally lifted from beige fibers, l smiled at its absence & the rest of my messy home. 
“See! l got it out.” 

.Laura Curren.

At the height of feeling low, 
l once asked whoever or whatever was listening 
that l wouldn’t care as much as l do. 
To take all this everything l feel
& make it muted. Make it nothing. 
Heartbreak & anger & sorrow & romance. 
Everything all at once. 
I’m everything all at once. 
Then apathy struck 
like a cut l didn’t even realize was bleeding. 
The colors in my heart left
& l became a host to vacancy. 
But even when silent screams stopped in my eyes,
even in this blank state of mind, 
l wished to take it all back. 

To feel is to be alive.  

.Laura Curren.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

I know this world 
is not without darkness 
but just like the moon
pulls the tides 
love will always 
bring the light 
back to your eyes.
Plant seeds of kindness 
& you'll watch 
beautiful things grow.
Those who love you 
will string lights on your eyelashes 
& show you the magic 
you already had inside.
It's up to you though 
to find
the unfolding story of your mind, 
to love the way you read it

& share it the best way you can.
        .Laura Curren.

Monday, September 18, 2017

You're a memory for the shelf, 
a magnet to remind me, 
a postcard of emotions
& what your life appears to be. 
You're glowing teeth, 
salt around the rim,
fresh burned cheeks, 
a sexy sting.
You're a language I don't speak. 
You melt the taste of your days 
on my tongue. 
You're a vacation, 

but you're not home. 

.Laura Curren.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Being with you was as natural 
& frustrating as writing is.
Sometimes I just couldn't explain you. 
I didn't know what you were trying to be. 
I couldn't find the right shape for you,
your structure escaped me. 
I felt like I was climbing up a pile 
of my discarded words. 
I felt like it was all wrong 
& no one wanted to see me desperately 
try to make sense of something. 
No one wanted to see me analyze 
the smallest sentences. 
But other times, you came to me 
just because I thought of you. 
You knew without me having to say. 
You tore down doors. 
You spread over me easily.
Your mouth was starved for 
my vowels crying out. 
Every part of me felt inspired. 
When we were on the same page, 
I never wanted to stop reading it.

.Laura Curren.

Saturday, July 1, 2017

The colors I've learned to see
are muffled by something darker. 
I know the sun remains 
burning without question, 
burning to save us all. 
But when darkness starts to suffocate, 
only my perception 
can illuminate this fact
that just like the sun, darkness, 
is always there 
& my anger makes it bleed over me. 
My calm is a cure 
for dimmed skies & eyes. 
My spirit absorbs sorrow 
& releases it like the rain 
that comes & goes. 

.Laura Curren. 

It's so easy to project the future 
onto someone else, to take their pieces 
& fill them in with your own.
I want to look past 
the fantasies I spread over their 
skin & direct them
into something wider than I know.
I want to project onto 
the mountains & the oceans, 
the vast unknown,

I want to finally see myself. 

.Laura Curren.

Monday, May 29, 2017

You told me to look in your eyes,
the black holes of your pupils 
while all your desires 
were swallowing my skin. 
You wanted me to see that you could be free for a moment. 
You could forget everything harsh while inside the idea of intimacy. 
For a moment you could forget who you were. 
You grabbed me like everything you wish you could for yourself. 
My touch spread love over your skin. 
The stars laced in my eyes & were lit by my ideals. 
I created constellations to predict the future 
& I scared the fuck out of you. 
Our world together couldnt be sustained. 
It erupted & froze before my sight. 
Our passion was a lesson neither of us wanted to learn. 

.Laura Curren.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

I could hurt you & you could hurt me. 
Isn't that the point? The duality of life. 
The greatest joys can bring the greatest pain. 
Every step closer to your heart 
could be considered insane. 
But I crack open my own over & over 
just to see what’s inside. 
I soak in my storm 
& though I’m heavy, 
I feel alive. 
I feel a part of an understanding. 

.Laura Curren. 

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

I get comfortable. 
The reality of how things have evolved sets in. 
I can feel a change. I fear it too. 
I panic for a moment. But I want it.  
I want it so bad I make it my world 
& forget I had my own before it. 
So I tell myself to relax. 
but I feel their sentiments & affection weaken 
the deeper I get. 
I feel a dull paranoia reminding me this has all 
happened before.
The further I reach for validation 
I'm left to look only in my own eyes & wonder what 
invites faded promises. But my blame serves no purpose. 
I look in my own eyes & see a version of myself who tells me this will all make sense someday. These emotional tests. 
These days. This doubt. It will all amount to something better, lighter, than this feeling. 
I'll keep telling myself that until I believe it. 

Thursday, February 23, 2017

You break my screen door 
because you've become unhinged too
& you want me to know how it feels. 
The fists in your eyes
are concealed cries for everything 
that could've been. 
You knock a picture off the wall
because it shouldn't have been there at all you say,
we should've never met,
I should've never said
I love you.
but I don't feel it like you 
so you show me with broken objects, fallen memories. 
The sound of your voice doesn't have the same effect 
so your last words are a slammed door with a broken screen. 

.Laura Curren.

We talk & laugh 
until I forget what's wrong with me.
Your mind & touch revive 
what I thought had stopped breathing 
& lost meaning.
My tongue with your taste 
& the sound of your name
vibrating off my teeth
unhinge closed doors.   
You push all you are into me
& I hold onto you 
as if that's where you belong. 

.Laura Curren.