Sunday, December 23, 2012

I will stay up late
Directing my talents towards infomercials
Not wanting to rest
But not really challenging myself either
I could learn another language
If I tried really hard
I could pursue a career
If I learn to finish things
Buckle down
Settle down
Tie something down and make it mine
Time to pack my own lunch
I don't want to just fall asleep early
I want to proudly pass out
But have enough energy for myself sometimes
Some kind of balance
Because im not very good at that (balance)
I'm extreme in all kinds of ways
Except when relating to productive things
Responsible things
I'm not extremely organized
Or neat
But I have an extreme emotional spectrum
Extreme thought
Three beers and I'm gone- extreme
Now if I could just lend these out of hand qualities
to the ones I should have in my hands
Then I would be perfectly boring and acceptable
I would enjoy a predictable day and mood
I would be pleasant but never really I've been through hell happy
I made it out alive happy

I feel when someone doesn't really like me-or maybe in some cases I'm just paranoid & weird because I tend to be like that. I feel a need to make this person like me even if I don't like them. Even if I really don't like them. I think I fight this urge on the outside because I want to seem cool. On the inside I'm still a little girl-like back when my mom used to make my clothes for me. I was happy to wear them, they had really cute patterns, fabric, & daring styles. There was a top she made for me with a sort of open back, like an H shape & I rocked it like I rocked my Mickey Mouse lunch box. I remember sitting by myself & a couple of older girls came up to me & one of them asked why my back was showing & why I was wearing something so weird. Well I hadn't really thought about it that way. Now I'm thinking about it that way. Oh my god do I look weird? Suddenly I'm very self conscious about my back. Should I put on my jacket? Then I just thought to myself, "Those bitches," but in my first grade mind it was probably "Those girls are mean. I like my clothes." That's one of those kind of sad moments when you start to give a fuck about what people think but then you comfort yourself into thinking it doesn't matter. As you get older the insults get more complex. At least with young children they're assholes outright. When I was a little bit older I remember meeting this girl Katie, who was richer than any of us children could understand or imagine. She made me feel less than wonderful, but she wasn't exactly straight up mean to me. She threw a big birthday party in her big pool in her big house & there was a big list of people invited & I wasn't on it. It seemed like the whole class was invited, even my dad heard about this party. I told him I didn't think I was invited & he said "Oh come on, sure you are! There are so many people going!" Thanks for believing in me dad, really. He assumed I was invited so he took me over there. I gawked at the size of everything like everyone else. As I was still taking in the sight of her "house," Katie came up to me & immediately said "Oh. I didnt invite you. But it's okay 'cause you're funny." What a complimentary bitch. I love to make people laugh though, even bitches. Humor gets me into big houses & pools. Humor gets me through a day that otherwise would have slapped me in the face or insulted my clothes.

.Laura Curren.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

When I feel a storm of fire
Rushing to the crease of me
I'm opened up with feverish thoughts,
& can only slide open from within.
Imagine bolts not coming loose,
but melting away for the moment.
Maybe alcohol helps all this,
But the promise of more than skin
Spreads my insecurities thin,
Spreads them as if they were harmless,
As if I could just swallow them down,
Quiet them down in the pit of me,
& if there is any lingering doubt on my tongue,
It's swept over, softly at first,
Like waves that climb slowly over each other,
Coursing together,
Moving to a flow that is inherently known,
A smooth dance rising to ferocity,
In which touch speaks for me.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

I have seen in her eyes
a fury I remember from my own
and when the heart feels possessed
by the way someone else moves, speaks, and thinks
you will find strings tied around you.
So I tell her,
"Surely you did not always feel like this,
there was a time before,
a time when you never thought it could be,
a time when you were wrong,
because the future had not yet come.
Now remember those feelings
and apply them presently.
I know its fresh and seems that it cant be put out,
but oh the heart is a marvelous traveller
that sees and picks up on things as it goes.
It is slow, its true but this is only
to appreciate a more beautiful view.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

I get
you watch
a tear
roll out.
I turn
to the edge
of the bed,
I turn
my head.
You pause,
you cling
to me,
lung to lung,
branches of your limbs
over me.
No words,
just your body,
saying sorry,
please let me back in.

I want to know how
to make love personified,
magic in your eyes.

I can uncover 
the doubts you left over the
better parts of you.
I can sit with you
when your mind is restless &
your heart is tired.
But I want to hear 
your laughter more than most things,
the song I repeat.
I want to cut the 
weeds squeezing your heart, not for
flowers, but to see,
to see everything;
skies holding our ideas,
oceans of feelings. 
I know you aren't all
beautiful. Pollution does
not discriminate.
But you holding me
feels like clarity in this
convoluted life.

Haiku 57 .Laura Curren.

Please don't punish me 
for faults you've hidden from me. 
If it's real, I'll see. 

I'm going to take any insults I've held on to
& throw them down a well that I close. They don't 
disappear but they starve for attention. 
I show them I power my thoughts into actions, 
I let in light. The language I choose to keep, 
the words I choose to hear in my head affect me 
in profound ways. I need to treat myself as a friend. 
If I wouldn't say what I say to myself to anyone else, 
I should reconsider the messages. & if I feel as though I'm neglecting myself, I need to remember me. 
I should be more loving to myself 
& more curious
like I want to  
impress myself. 

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Well said Jada.

Jada Pinkett-Smith: “The War on Men Through the Degradation of Woman” - "How is man to recognize his full self, his full power through the eye’s of an incomplet
e woman? The woman who has been stripped of Goddess recognition and diminished to a big ass and full breast for physical comfort only. The woman who has been silenced so she may forget her spiritual essence because her words stir too much thought outside of the pleasure space. The woman who has been diminished to covering all that rots inside of her with weaves and red bottom shoes.

I am sure the men, who restructured our societies from cultures that honored woman, had no idea of the outcome. They had no idea that eventually, even men would render themselves empty and longing for meaning, depth and connection.

There is a deep sadness when I witness a man that can’t recognize the emptiness he feels when he objectifies himself as a bank and truly believes he can buy love with things and status. It is painful to witness the betrayal when a woman takes him up on that offer.

He doesn’t recognize that the [creation] of a half woman has contributed to his repressed anger and frustration of feeling he is not enough. He then may love no woman or keep many half women as his prize.

He doesn’t recognize that it’s his submersion in the imbalanced warrior culture, where violence is the means of getting respect and power, as the reason he can break the face of the woman who bore him 4 four children.

When woman is lost, so is man. The truth is, woman is the window to a man’s heart and a man’s heart is the gateway to his soul.

Power and control will NEVER out weigh love.

May we all find our way.

~ Jada Pinkett-Smith, Sinuous Magazine (

1+2+2+0+1+9+8+7=30, 3+0=3

People with a Life Path number 3 have a very high level of creativity and self expression. This abundance of creative energy, and the ease with which they are able to communicate in all areas, both written word and verbal, could lead them to become a poet, actor, writer, artist or musician. In fact many writers, radio broadcasters, actors, singers, performers, and counselors share this life path number. 

Threes are optimistic, extremely generous and giving souls, and are able to find positive in everything around them. People like to be around them, not only because of these qualities, but also because Threes have a charismatic personality, are great listeners and are very conscious of other people's feelings and emotions. They can easily put the people around them at ease and make them feel comfortable. 

Because they enjoy living life to the fullest, Threes tend to live life for today and not worry about tomorrow. They have a hard time taking responsibilities seriously, and probably aren't very good with money, partly because they feel so positive about life they figure everything will work itself out fine. This can sometimes lead those with a Life Path of 3 to live superficially, have a lack of direction in their life, and procrastinate.

When they are hurt emotionally, Threes tend to withdraw and become moody, and can sometimes make biting comments to lash out at people around them. They can be manic depressive if they do not use their creative energy and tend to exaggerate the truth. 

Life path number 3 is a strong vibration, one of creative self expression, independence, playfulness, and communication. Below are some key points you might want to take into consideration to help you on your path … 

You have to be who you are. You are a joyful spirit, and probably talented, witty and charming. Don't settle for the superficial, but use those qualities as ways to dive deeper into your own soul. 

There is a remote side to your 3 Life Path, as well. This comes as a surprise to the native and to those who think they are well acquainted. The 3 is actually a very sensitive soul. When hurt, you can easily retreat to a shell of morose silence for extended periods. Nonetheless, the 3 eventually copes with all of the many setbacks that occur in life and readily bounces back for more. It is usually easy for you to deal with problems because you can freely admit the existence of problems without letting them get you down for too long. Because of your own sensitivity to hurt, you have a caring disposition and seem to be very conscious of other people's feelings and emotions.

Your big test with a 3 Life Path is controlling your highs and lows. You won't survive very well in any routine environment or when you are placed under dominating management. Slow thinking and overly contemplative people tend to frustrate you, and you don't function too well with this type whether you are working for, with, or under them. Your exuberant nature can take you far, especially if you are ever able to focus your energies and talents.
For the few living on the negative side of this Life Path, a 3 may be so delighted with the joy of living that the life becomes frivolous and superficial. You may scatter your abilities and express little sense of purpose. The 3 can be an enigma, for no apparent reason you may become moody and tend to retreat. Escapist tendencies are not uncommon with the 3 life path, and you find it very hard to settle into one place or one position. Guard against being critical of others, impatient, intolerant, or overly optimistic.