You wanted me to stay 
mentally hungry like you 
& I understand; 
you feared thick & too comfortable 
more than a growling ambition 
reminding you that you need more,
you need to do something,
make this go away.
I'm proud of who I've come to be
but my hunger 
was always for you
& that scared us both. 

You wanted me to stay 
mentally hungry like you 
& I understand; 
you feared thick & too comfortable 
more than a growling ambition 
reminding you that you need more,
you need to do something,
make this go away.
I'm proud of who I've come to be
but my hunger 
was always for you
& that scared us both. 

I think we were 
drawn to each other 
because we are the 
extremes of each other. 
You had charm & ambition 
& I had emotions you had forgotten 
how to express.
My all feeling focus intertwined 
with your driven self denial.
Together we left heavy footprints 
for others to follow 
because the weight of us was so much, 
so much energy to contain & sustain, 
the most beautiful forest fire you've seen 

I gave all myself
to you, most of all my time,
like it wasn't mine.

"You're planted here. Your parents, 
your brother, your niece. 
All your family is here. 
Your job with the kids. 
Your little house. 
You would've never left.
You would've never come with me!"

     
    "You never asked."

    

I know my questions 
made you want to disappear. 
I know my expressions turned sour. 
I eyed your heart suspiciously. 
The vultures in my mind 
ripped you apart. 
I threw your things out of my house, 
not risking reminders 
& because you asked for them 
so quickly back! 
I hated you for that. 
You were already in my head 
& leaving the certainty in my heart, 
leaving your shadow on my sheets. 
But we laughed so much! Yes, we did. 
That to me, echoed over the shouts
 & my last attempts. 
I had to hear that 
so it all made sense to me why-
why do people do this,
go through this? 
If that question 
makes you want to disappear, 
I encourage you to stay, 
to love yourself, even in pain
& do it over & over again. 

I hope it all begins 
to matter more, 
that feelings emerge 
like a flower's roots 
ripping through concrete-
against character, 
against buried pain
& why not? 
I wish all my heartbreakers 
a love that challenges them 
to open up.







Interrupt me with
a rude passionate kiss, I 
don't want polite love. 
  









   I'm drawn to your words,
   your beautiful syllables; 

   let's collaborate. 

If I sit on my talents,
I'll watch them become flat.
If I say I can't,
I won't.
If I make it true before tried,
dead before alive,
I decide defeat
without a strategy.
But what if 
I run 
like everything
is ahead of me?

Some of the most awkward introductions 
have turned into oddly 
the best friendships for me. 
There was no instant approval,
no mental clinking of glasses, 
maybe even a general resistance.
We had ideas painted on each other 
in the colors we believed the other was.
We had assumptions 
& invisible ruffled feathers.
My personality takes time to fully appreciate 
& good goodness & luck
have I fucked up before 
but oh, can I love.  
All the sides of me come out 
steadily 
& I too continue to be happily surprised 
by the changes in my eyes,
by my evolving perspective
of who I thought somebody was. 

Strange that there was something safe
about wanting people who broke my heart 
but not my pattern. 
Eventually my back would snap
& I'd be trapped by my feelings. 
I'd be troubled by trails of ash 
where bridges used to be, 
by skeletons of wounded pride,
& shadowed hearts craving my light.  
When I chose people who hurt me 
maybe it's because really
I was scared of 
real love.
I chased deeper feelings
but never rested with them. 





















Love is not last night;
its in the morning, my dear,
awake with the sun.










You forget the light 
until clouds eclipse the sun, 
like me when I'm gone.













You try to cut at me
& I may splinter in pain,
my colors may be drained
but I'm a fuckin forest;
only I set fire to myself 

not you.  


























Love is not last night;
its in the morning, my dear,
awake with the sun.










You forget the light 
until clouds eclipse the sun, 
like me when I'm gone.













You try to cut at me
& I may splinter in pain,
my colors may be drained
but I'm a fuckin forest;
only I set fire to myself 

not you.  





















Love is not last night;
its in the morning, my dear,
awake with the sun.










You forget the light 
until clouds eclipse the sun, 
like me when I'm gone.










Your eyes told me all.
Music plays in your pupils 

& I want to dance.











You forget the light 
until clouds eclipse the sun, 
like me when I'm gone.













You try to cut at me
& I may splinter in pain,
my colors may be drained
but I'm a fuckin forest;
only I set fire to myself 

not you.  





















Love is not last night;
its in the morning, my dear,
awake with the sun.










You forget the light 
until clouds eclipse the sun, 
like me when I'm gone.










Your eyes told me all.
Music plays in your pupils 

& I want to dance 

















Love is not last night;
its in the morning, my dear,
awake with the sun.










You forget the light 
until clouds eclipse the sun, 
like me when I'm gone.










Your eyes told me all.
Music plays in your pupils 

& I want to dance 

Haiku

Anyone could call
your kind of love "crazy" if
they're not used to it

You told me it'd do me a world of good 
to toughen up,
to not be so like a sponge 
to others' emotions.
Don't be so sensitive.
But then I thought 
what had your world done to you?

I thought
how can you not see how you are hurting me?
How can you see me cry
& not know the pain it took
for me to not even have the words anymore,
to not even know what to do but be overcome
& leak out
because when it doesn't make sense
even my body tries to help.
Even my body feels how heavy my mind is
& tries to release some of that pain;
it tries to expel it out, to let it flow,
let it roll & melt down my jaw.
But you stare blankly back at me
& I realize when I wipe my eyes,
when I smear the image of you away,
the world broke your heart a long time ago.