my room mate lets me borrow her computer so i can type out the many things i have due....but where do i go? here. because whenever i have something that needs to be done i seem to do everything else but that. i almost didnt, but i called you today and im glad i did. the only thing i was really upset about losing was the video we made after the first day we met. it was only a few seconds long, but when i watched it randomly the other day i felt so glad to be where i am now. i told you im afraid of being too mushy sometimes and i know you read this sometimes so i just want you to know how nice it's been with you around and i mean every word.
you say you're happy for me, but you dissect this happiness, take a part its pieces because you don't understand how it came to be. you don't see how this could all work, how things could fit and create peace and how to step back and take it all in, appreciate and experience all of it. you tell me this is all some silly machinery, because you don't know, you don't see, you don't feel it they way that i do. im brought down by trying to bring you up.
i had been looking for it for awhile now, i thought maybe i misplaced it knowing how i am and how unorganized i can be but this was special, this was something i would never want to lose my grandpa gave it to my grandma as a present its beautiful and means more than just style and i saw it in your drawer. you don't know how special it is or what it means or that it was my graduation present and it fits my wrist perfectly that my grandpa didn't have much money and he bought it just for her that i never got to meet him you don't know that my grandma used to wear it when she was capable and smiling and took care of herself and told stories and didn't bare weight on my mom's back you don't know how disappointed my mom would be to know that i lost it how it still works after all these years and if you didnt leave the drawer just a little bit open, i wouldnt have seen it and it would never mean the same to you as it meant to me but i saw it in your drawer and i took it back
im listening to what i assume to be the young couple argue in the room below me she gets annoyed when he stops to cough and he gets annoyed that he has to make an extra effort to keep up with a throat itchier than his it's not when they raise their voices that i worry or when their swear words aren't muffled by the ceiling it's those silent pauses they have when their minds are let loose and theyre processing what each has just said and they're building up responses to conversation a or b when things that aren't said are thought of when things aren't said when things build to an everything and everything is a pile of rotting words things are a heap of not now trailing off...