Sunday, November 12, 2017

Apathy struck 
like a cut l didn’t even

realize was bleeding

.Laura Curren. 

A large coffee stain on my living room carpet 
used to bother me so much. 
Peppermint mocha bullshit. 
Irritating me from the corner of my eye.
l covered it with a decorative box. 
But l knew it was there. 
I’d come back to it & soak it with stain lifters 
& my frustration. l was persistent. 
It lasted through a couple relationships. 
One ex said “you’re never going to get that out. 
You could spend that energy 
cleaning the rest of your house.” 
But l say l don’t work that way! 
I’m always extreme. Either it’s a disaster 
or it’s like it was never there. 
The day the stain finally lifted from beige fibers, 
l smiled at its absence 
& the rest of my messy house.
 “See! l got it out.” 

.Laura Curren.

what a beautiful way 
to say 
it didn’t come out the way
I planned.
My head held up by mechanics 
& optimistic humor
has fallen, 
has sunk into a moment.
The deeper I sink 
the more it meant to me. 
Pain becomes my skin 
& I protect it by fighting.
But eventually,
then quietly, 
anger leaves me 
& what it meant to me 
rolls down my cheeks.

.Laura Curren.

A large coffee stain on my living room carpet 
used to bother me so much. Peppermint mocha bullshit. Irritating me from the corner of my eye. 
l covered it with a decorative box. But l knew it was there. I’d come back to it to soak it with stain lifters 
& my frustration. l was persistent. 
It lasted through a couple relationships. 
One ex said “you’re never going to get that out. You could spend that energy cleaning the rest of your house.” 
But l don’t work that way! l say. I’m always extreme. 
Either it’s a disaster or it’s like it was never there. 
the day that mess was finally lifted from beige fibers, l smiled at its absence & the rest of my messy home. 
“See! l got it out.” 

.Laura Curren.

At the height of feeling low, 
l once asked whoever or whatever was listening 
that l wouldn’t care as much as l do. 
To take all this everything l feel
& make it muted. Make it nothing. 
Heartbreak & anger & sorrow & romance. 
Everything all at once. 
I’m everything all at once. 
Then apathy struck 
like a cut l didn’t even realize was bleeding. 
The colors in my heart left
& l became a host to vacancy. 
But even when silent screams stopped in my eyes,
even in this blank state of mind, 
l wished to take it all back. 

To feel is to be alive.  

.Laura Curren.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

I know this world 
is not without darkness 
but just like the moon
pulls the tides 
love will always 
bring the light 
back to your eyes.
Plant seeds of kindness 
& you'll watch 
beautiful things grow.
Those who love you 
will string lights on your eyelashes 
& show you the magic 
you already had inside.
It's up to you though 
to find
the unfolding story of your mind, 
to love the way you read it

& share it the best way you can.
        .Laura Curren.

Monday, September 18, 2017

You're a memory for the shelf, 
a magnet to remind me, 
a postcard of emotions
& what your life appears to be. 
You're glowing teeth, 
salt around the rim,
fresh burned cheeks, 
a sexy sting.
You're a language I don't speak. 
You melt the taste of your days 
on my tongue. 
You're a vacation, 

but you're not home. 

.Laura Curren.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Being with you was as natural 
& frustrating as writing is.
Sometimes I just couldn't explain you. 
I didn't know what you were trying to be. 
I couldn't find the right shape for you,
your structure escaped me. 
I felt like I was climbing up a pile 
of my discarded words. 
I felt like it was all wrong 
& no one wanted to see me desperately 
try to make sense of something. 
No one wanted to see me analyze 
the smallest sentences. 
But other times, you came to me 
just because I thought of you. 
You knew without me having to say. 
You tore down doors. 
You spread over me easily.
Your mouth was starved for 
my vowels crying out. 
Every part of me felt inspired. 
When we were on the same page, 
I never wanted to stop reading it.

.Laura Curren.

Saturday, July 1, 2017

The colors I've learned to see
are muffled by something darker. 
I know the sun remains 
burning without question, 
burning to save us all. 
But when darkness starts to suffocate, 
only my perception 
can illuminate this fact
that just like the sun, darkness, 
is always there 
& my anger makes it bleed over me. 
My calm is a cure 
for dimmed skies & eyes. 
My spirit absorbs sorrow 
& releases it like the rain 
that comes & goes. 

.Laura Curren. 

It's so easy to project the future 
onto someone else, to take their pieces 
& fill them in with your own.
I want to look past 
the fantasies I spread over their 
skin & direct them
into something wider than I know.
I want to project onto 
the mountains & the oceans, 
the vast unknown,

I want to finally see myself. 

.Laura Curren.

Monday, May 29, 2017

You told me to look in your eyes,
the black holes of your pupils 
while all your desires 
were swallowing my skin. 
You wanted me to see that you could be free for a moment. 
You could forget everything harsh while inside the idea of intimacy. 
For a moment you could forget who you were. 
You grabbed me like everything you wish you could for yourself. 
My touch spread love over your skin. 
The stars laced in my eyes & were lit by my ideals. 
I created constellations to predict the future 
& I scared the fuck out of you. 
Our world together couldnt be sustained. 
It erupted & froze before my sight. 
Our passion was a lesson neither of us wanted to learn. 

.Laura Curren.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

I could hurt you & you could hurt me. 
Isn't that the point? The duality of life. 
The greatest joys can bring the greatest pain. 
Every step closer to your heart 
could be considered insane. 
But I crack open my own over & over 
just to see what’s inside. 
I soak in my storm 
& though I’m heavy, 
I feel alive. 
I feel a part of an understanding. 

.Laura Curren. 

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

I get comfortable. 
The reality of how things have evolved sets in. 
I can feel a change. I fear it too. 
I panic for a moment. But I want it.  
I want it so bad I make it my world 
& forget I had my own before it. 
So I tell myself to relax. 
but I feel their sentiments & affection weaken 
the deeper I get. 
I feel a dull paranoia reminding me this has all 
happened before.
The further I reach for validation 
I'm left to look only in my own eyes & wonder what 
invites faded promises. But my blame serves no purpose. 
I look in my own eyes & see a version of myself who tells me this will all make sense someday. These emotional tests. 
These days. This doubt. It will all amount to something better, lighter, than this feeling. 
I'll keep telling myself that until I believe it. 

Thursday, February 23, 2017

You break my screen door 
because you've become unhinged too
& you want me to know how it feels. 
The fists in your eyes
are concealed cries for everything 
that could've been. 
You knock a picture off the wall
because it shouldn't have been there at all you say,
we should've never met,
I should've never said
I love you.
but I don't feel it like you 
so you show me with broken objects, fallen memories. 
The sound of your voice doesn't have the same effect 
so your last words are a slammed door with a broken screen. 

.Laura Curren.

We talk & laugh 
until I forget what's wrong with me.
Your mind & touch revive 
what I thought had stopped breathing 
& lost meaning.
My tongue with your taste 
& the sound of your name
vibrating off my teeth
unhinge closed doors.   
You push all you are into me
& I hold onto you 
as if that's where you belong. 

.Laura Curren.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

For awhile I wanted someone to have their 
arm around me as a prop.
I wanted exes to see that I could still do things,
I could still be fun while my thoughts were stamped 
by the same words over & over, that the light in my
eyes wasn't drowning by the weights in my mind.
I wanted smiles to create curiosity. 
I wanted to prove to people I could shake myself out 
of my own lovesick heart. I wanted to be a new 
confident picture. I wanted the wrong reasons. 
But when I sat to rest with my own thoughts 
after endlessly being out of breath,I stopped 
thinking about how people perceived my happiness. 
Not how it all looked, but how it really felt. 
While I was screaming internally for attention, 
I never knew that I was really screaming for myself. 
The screams turned into soft reminders. 
A moment of peace spread over my chest & decided to 
stay for as long as I invited it. 
I smiled, no longer proving it to others 
but owing it to myself. 

.Laura Curren.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

You only care 
when I don't care.
When my words are flat
you want to stretch them out with 
wide eyed reminiscing. 
You want my reactions to fill hollow letters.
You want all my passion
but you don't want to keep it. 

.Laura Curren.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Every good quality
could be told to me
about somebody
but if I don't feel it,
I can't be told anything.
The chemistry of my body
has other plans in mind.

.Laura Curren.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

I could collect all the poems on this earth
to tell you that you're the best there is
& for once I won't have to explain why,
it'll speak in my eyes & stride,
in the silent bond
of my rambling heart to yours.

Some trees might wonder 
why the rain can be so
volatile with its' love;
what gives life also
cracks branches in chaos.
This violent romance 
seduces swaying to one side.
This lust for love 
teases with softer strokes 
but shows
it's powerful enough 
to uproot comfortable-
whether it kills 
or forces growth
in a different place.

.Laura Curren.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Your actions murder
nostalgic butterflies but
your words bring them back,
your eyes sway their flight 
when you tell them you've changed, 
when you offer hands 
for them to land on 
but love is a verb; 
it takes practice & presence
it takes energy, 
it gives everything 
that sweet sentences can't hold,

it evolves with wings. 

.Laura Curren.

These lines on my face 
are maps to the memories 
I've visited &
they will show you the
bigger picture; I loved, I 
cared, I laughed, I thought 
deeply. I'm defined,
refined, sharpened by the years
but tending to my 
soft will keep me young 
no matter the shade
under my eyes or if my
bones ache. Prickled walls 
will never ask what
makes me feel alive & how
I spread that around. 
It's true that the more
open I let my heart be, the
emptier it feels
but when it's full, it 
brims to my eyes, it spills from 

everything I do. 

.Laura Curren.

Past loves have painted 
on the walls of my heart;
their art fades but marks me. 
I run my fingers 
over muted bright colors;
the magic remains 
but it doesn't cast the same 
spells as long ago-
it surrenders to 
the collapsing words, “Oh well" 

& finds life elsewhere. 

.Laura Curren.

Monday, January 30, 2017

There are those nights when the dogs barking outside 
won't shut the fuck up,
when I wonder if theres something in the air-
a wistful wave that blankets us,
some shade of terror that only the animals see.

.Laura Curren. 

Saturday, January 28, 2017

I used to dig my nails into jagged edges
that I called love.
I wanted to believe my grip 
scratched the surface of untapped feelings
& this weight would become lighter 
if I just pushed harder, looked further,
if I still climbed for you,
held on for you.
I kept cutting my hands on potential.
I'd sweat & bleed to be someone you need
but it took me so long to see 
it's not because I was weak 
that I couldn't pull myself up.
I clung to ideas 
facing the wrong way.
I was afraid of turning around 
& falling down
but really it was 
flirtatious fear keeping me 
I chose to stop reaching for 
what doesn't reach for me.
I loosened my hands
& told myself,
to trust where my heart 
carries my body, 
to let myself be pulled 
by love's gravity,
let go 
let go 
 let go.  
.Laura Curren.