i dream all the time
so reality is not serious to me unless someone points it out
im mad at people for making goals into tangible objects
and im mad because i dont know what my goals are
i have no sense of direction, only the directions i see other people going

the other night blaine and i were up at grizzly peak surrounded in our own smoke, good music, and good moods. the winter fog had not touched this night and we could see all of the bay twinkling bright and rushing by. when we left, the lights of the city striped past us as we went down the winding roads of the peak (have to go through some shit to get to some good shit i guess, roughly stated). but when we arrived at the bottom of the snaking streets i noticed the red glow of warning; flares spread along the ground and i thought maybe an accident ahead-no an accident right here! inches away from the car, we had better slow down because there is a car right here! flipped over right here! oh my god this just happened "That just happened!" Blaine explains to reaffirm my thoughts. oh my god this happens all the time. glass trickled down from the driver's window. "There's someone still in there!" this happens all the time oh my god. that car is completely flipped over..this happens all the time. my chest is thick and as surprised as i am to be this close to something like this tears puddle in my eyes and its a clear night but im blurry and the flares are so red and smeared and i can't breathe and this happens all the time. "Baby pull over, let me drive" but why cry why be upset this is not me upside down in broken glass. this is not me. but it could be. it happens all the time. breathe breathe breathe. it happens.

well fuck

i was brewing the coffee at work
and a veteran employee, alfonso,
asked me when i was going back to school
i shake out the grounds and say "hopefully in the fall"
and he looks me in my tired early morning eyes and says
"there's no future here"
and i pour my education down the drain every minute im here