slowly now i turn to say
that i have loved you for a long time
and i see the words in your eyes
i know i do
i see them on your skin
and this feels like
the windows are down and
freshness is flooding my smiling teeth
and surely you feel this too
but everyone feels their own way
everyone has their own
will & way
thoughts & secrets
but you were private in my presence too
so many times i saw your eyes
curve away from me in mystery
& then circle back as though it was fine
i didn't know how to ask
& you didnt know how to tell me
i didnt know about many things
lies can stack themselves, really
they dont even need your help
they just build and build
they just build right over your eyes
and i was there with that smile on my face

I make bad choices.

how much money do I make?
what about how much love
how many insightful comments
how many blanks stares
lopsided smiles
heavy sighs
how much twirled gum on my tongue
how many tap taps with my nails
bad jokes

how many beats per minute
am I worth