Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Today

Today I got hired for a second job. I feel successful. Yay for me!
Then I have this tendency to think about if I'll be good or not or be able to handle all of these duties in the future and I freak myself out. Shut up. Just try. No, just do. See what happens. Maybe you won't like it. Maybe it'll be awesome. Maybe you'll be able to work 2 jobs AND take that class. Stay on top of those bills. Buy those groceries. Clean and cook. Stepping it up. blah blah blah.
I can be so half assed about things or bend to what's expected of me but not feel it whole-heartedly. I thin I've just been wandering around for awhile pretending like I know where I'm going and smiling and waving along the way. Maybe that's what most people do when they're young. I don't want to be most people yet I can't deny that I constantly seek approval from most people. Am I doing all this for myself? Meh. I'll find out.

Today I can cross off the interview. Yes! (part of me is afraid to celebrate because I haven't actually been trained yet and I feel like I can't really say anything until I really know the swing of things..)

Now-studying for the cicerone exam...which I would like to pass before the end of this week...month...let's say week...or TODAY even ? maybe...maybe...I know myself so I try to postpone it but I should prove myself wrong more often and just fucking do it.

After this study session...depending on whether I will take the exam....work out...run at the marina...probably walk more because I pushed myself too hard the other day. I feel fatter or maybe I'm just a girl with the fat mindset.

THEN...
shower, drop off a videogame for Noelle if she's still at work. Head to Tali's. Come home, relax while I can.

I'm already kinda exhausted thinking about my new schedule but i will make it work. It will work. Work!
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