What I choose to tell you from the archives of my mind
Reflects where you are in my heart.
If it's right then you'll know more of me than maybe myself.
You'll let me tell you the same memories again.
Your expressions become a story in my head
& I try to read you, like this bad pun.
I try to make you laugh because I enjoy the sound.
I try to blur your world in ecstasy because you deserve it.
A try that never really is a try when it feels effortless.

When I was younger,
I didn't know my thoughts could wrestle my talents,
That my attitude was the wring leader.
I glamorized a life I didn't have,
The paparazzi of others people's lives.

But being shy has its own special skill,

Its' own subtle kill.

As I grew into an awkward angst,
My questions aimed more at myself;
Why am I
What did I
What am I
& I found that I'm startled sometimes by what I say,
That the observations from the sidelines apply today.
At times I feel an ocean pulled into my chest.
What I let in depends on within.
Deeper depths may leave me out of breath
& I could sink in solitary dark,
Or I could spit out insecure anchors
& rise to my standards & swim.