Thursday, February 4, 2016

I'm aware of my self destruction 
like Alice drowning in her tears,
    making everything bigger than it is. 

I'll wrestle a task,
               drink away the night,
scratch up my skin,
       call an ex.
I'll find a new problem
          to lose focus on my current one. 
I'll stir sleeping thoughts awake
          instead of waking my ambitions.
When there's no tv show muting my thoughts,
          no pair of eyes distracting me from my own,
I look anxiously for other noise
          instead of listening when it's quiet. 
I torment other scenarios 
that aren't this one.
My thoughts storm 
& everything I have left to sit outside 
          is soaked & heavy by my negligence.
Obstacles collect in the yard,
& I can only smile & trip over them for so long before
          everything is all at once, 
          & it all seems like a mess.
I could pretend it's fine & close the blinds,
but here they are 
haunting me 
with different faces in different ways. 

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