Apathy struck
like a cut l didn’t even
realize was bleeding
.Laura Curren.
A large coffee stain on my living room carpet
used to bother me so much.
Peppermint mocha bullshit.
Irritating me from the corner of my eye.
l covered it with a decorative box.
But l knew it was there.
I’d come back to it & soak it with stain lifters
& my frustration. l was persistent.
It lasted through a couple relationships.
One ex said “you’re never going to get that out.
You could spend that energy
cleaning the rest of your house.”
But l say l don’t work that way!
I’m always extreme. Either it’s a disaster
or it’s like it was never there.
The day the stain finally lifted from beige fibers,
l smiled at its absence
& the rest of my messy house.
“See! l got it out.”
.Laura Curren.
Crestfallen;
what a beautiful way
to say
it didn’t come out the way
I planned.
My head held up by mechanics
& optimistic humor
has fallen,
has sunk into a moment.
The deeper I sink
the more it meant to me.
Pain becomes my skin
& I protect it by fighting.
But eventually,
violently,
then quietly,
anger leaves me
& what it meant to me
rolls down my cheeks.
.Laura Curren.
A large coffee stain on my living room carpet
used to bother me so much. Peppermint mocha bullshit. Irritating me from the corner of my eye.
l covered it with a decorative box. But l knew it was there. I’d come back to it to soak it with stain lifters
& my frustration. l was persistent.
It lasted through a couple relationships.
One ex said “you’re never going to get that out. You could spend that energy cleaning the rest of your house.”
But l don’t work that way! l say. I’m always extreme.
Either it’s a disaster or it’s like it was never there.
the day that mess was finally lifted from beige fibers, l smiled at its absence & the rest of my messy home.
“See! l got it out.”
.Laura Curren.
At the height of feeling low,
l once asked whoever or whatever was listening
that l wouldn’t care as much as l do.
To take all this everything l feel
& make it muted. Make it nothing.
Heartbreak & anger & sorrow & romance.
Everything all at once.
I’m everything all at once.
Then apathy struck
like a cut l didn’t even realize was bleeding.
The colors in my heart left
& l became a host to vacancy.
But even when silent screams stopped in my eyes,
even in this blank state of mind,
l wished to take it all back.
To feel is to be alive.
.Laura Curren.
