im back at the apartment in san jose. gonna pack up the rest of whats left here. im smoking. im breathing. im thinking. im processing. im maturing. im still avoiding punctuation in these things. im so glad i called you kaity because...my anger just comes in bursts. i think that i can blow it all up on the person im angry at...but really i just need to talk to a friend. im realizing this more. i dont need to repress it, i dont need to try and calm myself down, to "sleep on it." sleeping on anger seems uncomfortable. ouch anger, you're kicking me off the bed. god damn anger why do you take all my pillows? im crazy. i know it. but its good sometimes. its alllll good right? people say that. it's all good.
ive had so many interesting conversations lately.
yesterday i looked over at you when you happened to be looking at me too. as timing would have it, the lyrics of the song sang of love. but my mind is elsewhere. my heart is beating in many kinds of directions. i will be going to new places soon. to where i never thought i'd go. to be the impulsively idiotic romantic i always knew i was. oh but romance, that makes me nervous. romance implies love and...love implies...what? hurt, pain, ice cream and extra pounds, chemicals released, sweat produced, thoughts scrambled, sleepy eyes, smiles that burn, memories painted in brighter colors. it's all good.