I remember (of all the weird things my memory holds on to) an episode of American Idol where Simon Cowell asked interviewing questions to contestants before they auditioned and one of them was "If you just won $100,000 what would you spend it on?"

This one girl said "I would give it allll to charity."

Simon scowled at her and didn't even give her a chance to audition. "Oh come on! All of it? No. I'm looking for a real answer here."

I laughed because in my head I instantly thought, "Yeah right bitch!" Okay maybe some small percentage of people would-some of it or most it, hardly all of it.

Simon asked the same question to the next contestant and she instantly replied "A hot pink cadillac!" and he smiled and let her sing, and then smiled some more after she let out the honest song in her heart.

I also watched a program about people who have won the lottery. One was a humble man in his forties. Brown-bearded, beer bellied, and honest faced. As grammatically incorrect as this sentence, but full of good intentions and insight. This man had a passion for fishing so he opened up his own bait and tackle place and hired himself as his only employee where he continues to work because he gave the rest of his money away. He helped a few friends with their bills and bought them trucks to get around town. He paid off the mortage for a woman who cared for him as if she were his own mother. He teared up just talking about paying off that mortgage for her because he cared about her so much. He was so happy to help someone he loved and it made me cry. There I am crying on my bed watching my recorded DVR shows in my own little place.

One day I hope I can make someone that happy, to be that happy for helping someone else. I started talking about money and then ended with talking about love and happiness. I guess that's all I really want. Then I think, well isn't that all that anyone really wants? No, actually. But I love the people who do. and yeah, I know I say money isn't that important to me but um yes I need it and want to make it and have more of it but it's not all that makes a good life.