presently

The people I am always the most interested in don't seem to fully give themselves to me. Maybe that's because there are pieces of myself that I never really, fully give.
Today I had one of those moments that stretches into a sad train of thought. That can be visualized by the crunchy and forgotten leaves being rustled and stirred into a web in the wind, carried off and away into a somehow peaceful chaos. Things change. Things are changing. I feel so in love with people. I get saturated in someone and then it's squeezed out of me. I get dry. Really though who doesn't get wrung out once in awhile. I feel like I get too invested in one person and it feels like a distraction from myself. I have almost an over abundance of love in my life yet I don't know what to do with it. There is a part of me that I am keeping dull. There is something inside that is too scared to grab the microphone. And I know it's okay to be shy but I can't help but feel I am smothering myself. You are doing this on purpose somehow aren't you? And then I sigh because I may know how and what but not why. Life is just a giant why but the how and the what are what make your answers to that question significant. All I can really think of is love.