Sunday, December 8, 2013
Out of nowhere I feel my heart drop to the floor.
You really hurt me sometimes & hurt
is the simplest word for that.
A picture frame of what I thought
falls & breaks
& I can replace what was there
but there's always a mess to clean up
& some messes take longer than others
& sometimes I want to hide & forget.
I could probably get drunk,
which is likely at some point;
I'll send my poisonous friend
down the maze to my stomach
to escape the one in my head.
I could just sip & forget
then come home & remember
& maybe drink some more
but that doesn't sweep it off the floor.
Ever since I was a little girl
with thoughts to be thought,
I've dreamed of loving you,
but I know that means
loving your messes too.
Even in those moments riddled with uncertainty,
those moods that scrape at my patience
& tell me I just can't deal with you today,
I just can't.
Days when the fire inside me
is catching on other people's curtains
& I'm blaming them for how it started
or when it feels like there's no fire at all,
& I'm looking,looking for something
that I'm not even sure is lost.
Some days it feels like we're all wrong-
but I will always be in love with you,life,
because we belong