Some nights when my mind is not calm,
I can't cut off the tentacles of negativity
or make laughter ring from my lonely heart.
I feel the need for someone,
To be distracted from my thoughts,
But on some nights my thoughts need me,
& I let them have me,
Let them unfurl like smoke,
I let them curve into questions
& I don't always feel answers,
But I feel something,
Connected to my own interpreted universe,
My version of now,
& I think about everything that I perceive to be everything.
I just sit
& try to let my mind ride freely,
A moment away from the traffic of routine,
Away from the labels people are supposed to give me,
The clutter of what others have said to me,
The mindless letters & numbers,
& this sort of boring normalcy
That's only craved when your world is in chaos.
On these nights my escape is in my own head
& though I make no sound, I am not quiet.
My mind & heart operate me,
My love and curiosity animate me.
I thank my subconscious thoughts
for singing to people who understand,
Those in this life
Who have heard my heart beat,
Who have put their ear to my chest
& wanted to know what makes me alive.