Some nights when my mind is not calm,

I can't cut off the tentacles of negativity

or make laughter ring from my lonely heart.

I feel the need for someone,

To be distracted from my thoughts,

But on some nights my thoughts need me,

& I let them have me,

Let them unfurl like smoke,

Like ferns,

Like tongues.

I let them curve into questions

& I don't always feel answers,

But I feel something,

Connected to my own interpreted universe,

My version of now,

& I think about everything that I perceive to be everything.

I just sit

& try to let my mind ride freely,

A moment away from the traffic of routine,

Away from the labels people are supposed to give me,

The clutter of what others have said to me,

The mindless letters & numbers,

& this sort of boring normalcy

That's only craved when your world is in chaos.

On these nights my escape is in my own head

& though I make no sound, I am not quiet.

My mind & heart operate me,

My love and curiosity animate me.

I thank my subconscious thoughts

for singing to people who understand,

Those in this life

Who have heard my heart beat,

Who have put their ear to my chest

& wanted to know what makes me alive.