Noelle

When things are not right,
It hangs in your eyes,
I feel you getting cold,
I hear it in your voice, the world getting old,
I see you shrink from bold.
You wear your heart on your sleeve
So when you grab the microphone,
It pours out through it
and audiences come to watch you let it out,
Feel it explode over their heads.
As prickly as you can appear to be,
I know you are vast emotionally.
You think youre crazy,
and I think all musicians are a little bit,
All artists with a romance for life,
Despite how many times they are burned by it,
Have a passion for more,
Even when they feel so small at times.
I see you beat yourself up
and I want to put your fists at your side
because it hurts to see those freckles watered in distraught,
and I seek to pull up the negative roots
Because your mood, like your laugh, infects,
It doesnt hide, it projects.
I hear you struggle with your vices
and my only advice is
to remain unfiltered, as you are
Stay imagining, hoping, even riddled, as you are
Stay chaotic, sweet, & fervent
Stay complicated, lively, whimsical,
The unicorn-riding rockstar who I love,
You have a crowd to please.

the tongue

When did kissing even start? who was the first person to say, I just enjoy being around you so much that I need to be closer to you somehow? I'm so drawn to you that I feel it would be a good idea for our tongues to touch, to move with each other. It's already a part of pleasure- I taste things that are satisfying to me. I don't use my tongue to crack nutshells or break down bread....my tongue simply enjoys the aftermath of the crushing and breaking down that my teeth have worked so hard to do. It's also my brain of course, telling me what I do and don't like. I don't enjoy the bumpiness of tapioca but I do like the taste. I feel the texture of taste, the texture of pleasure.I do like a lot of tongue but not if it feels like you haven't brushed it. texture, taste, pleasure. I know humans had to have sex way back in the day because it explains um the many people existing now...but I don't think kissing came or "evolved" until later. Our emotions evolved, affection evolved. Maybe one day the caveman pulled the hair of a willing cavewoman, maybe she wanted to be clubbed over the head. sex became more than just hormones and creation. it become an act that led to more complicated actions & thoughts because humans became more complicated as did their thoughts. I imagine kissing started out really awkward- bumping teeth, tongues with no rhythm, too rigid, too sloppy & soft, too much spit, too primal. but then as people seemed to soften maybe thats when romance emerged. mere grunting turned into proclamations of passion. the tongue does not relieve you of an uncomfortably full bladder, make a baby or shed eggs (although some weird imagery that popped into my head just now shows me what itd be like if it did), its just there to please you. You can argue that it also forms the sounds of your words, but if you think about it that too is just an emotional, mental pleasure to have. not necessary. you can have sex without a tongue, but I don't really want to think about it. Affection is evolution. make out some more. share your spit. share your tastes.
now im just hungry and horny.

I let your eyes fall on me
as if they are the buttons on my blouse
because i feel them traveling down it
curving into creases
stitched around me
i catch you trying to catch me
i see blues roll over whatever color skirt it is im wearing that day
you like the bright blue one, i know
sliding along seams
stopping & lingering
causing runs in my stockings
peeking patches of skin
your eyes circle around them
like a tongue forming vowels
i see the shine in your teeth
as you sink them into me
mentally, of course

A real friend

I know its love,
real love,
if you make me feel uncomfortable sometimes;
my faults are not hiding under a decorative table,
they are sitting upright & able
quiet aware of a detecting stare
across the plates & dishes,
examined against their wishes,
they are acknowledged,
psycholog-ed,
feeling justified,
but deep inside
they know whats wrong,
you're right all along,
even though it makes them snarl
& cross arms,
throw food for thought in your face,
they know their place.
But my faults belong to me
however prickly they may be.
Wholly me is the only way
you can wholly love me.

It's amazing how stepping away from something, looking at the bigger picture, removing yourself, whatever, can really help you to see something for what it was/is.
when youre in it...it seems like thats all there is.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
I saw this tattooed on you
and I always thought what a beautiful quote it was
what marvelous complexity packed into one statement
what a world of meaning
but ive heard some things
that would make anyone with a heart want to cry
ive heard some things about you right now that contradict this quote completely
and I have to ask you
are you really blossoming in this situation?

If you go back, you choose death. If not a physical one, a mental one. You are darkening the light you have inside you. You are choosing someone who wants to keep whatever light you have left & hide it from others. If you feel that no one else will ever love you, then you prevent it from happening because of your own mental manifestations. You are beautiful. You are deserving. You are worthy. You are in a dark place, but you don't have to stay there. I think you have forgotten how to love yourself & ultimately that's all up to you, but there are people who will help you remember. I know passion is seductive, anger too even. Tears and pain and cum. shouting and grabbing and fucking. But nothing compares to the affection of arms wrapping around you in an attempt to quiet your shaking heart. Love is not supposed to break your bones & spirit. Love can't be bound to physical actions. It's true that pain & love are not separate, but there shouldn't be a constant struggle between the two. Please don't think that this is all there is for you. You are deeper than this. You are too wonderful to cover up. I hope one day you'll cry because you're so happy & overwhelmed with love & not pain.