I woke up in a tangent

If love and art are somehow fossilized from our culture,
Our planet won't seem to be as much the vulture
Of resources,
Of hate,
Of a spiteful breed,
Wanting not what we need.
But if you have a love for music,
I share it too.
It's for my soul to listen to,
It's what gets me through
Feeling sluggish with routine,
My feelings and what they mean,
For idle nothing and for everything,
Passion in the peaks of sound waves
That I will ride until my mind won't play them anymore,
Until I am only a skeleton of experience,
Until the universe swallows my spirit
And I am spread in the stars,
Until the energy of this life,
Of this being, this entity, this entirety,
explodes with chaotic beauty
With sound that shocks a current state,
And call it fate
But this seeming self destructive
Will actually be constructive
Of a new universe.
An infinite beauty
On and on
It just goes.
We just go on,
And I don't know where we go,
But I know that I will never die
as long as there is a song in my heart
As long as I live and breathe art;
The art of what speaks to my soul,
The art of discovering,
The art of love,
Something never mastered really,
And that's what makes it so profound.
Art and love,
Each more beautiful with each other,
They're never really over,
They're always recycled.
They comes swirling into my galaxy.
They are the spine of my ideals,
They frame my mind.
They speak differently to everyone but are a universal need for our kind.

Who's to say I'm in not in pain all day
When compared to what's consistent to another person
And how do they know that they hurt less than normal
Or more
When there's no "control" group
To be compared to
Normal was a word crafted
Out of the extraordinary fact that one day someone opened their mouth
And then words came out
And these were spelled to noun-ify things
And eventually, in more detail, to feel things and to sense them too,
To know that they were somehow trapped inside
before this miraculous thing
Became normal.
All I can say really is
Use those letters!
Craft them so well that they become a force greater than a punch through the wall.
Get lost in their possible meanings,
But ask
Please ask what words truly mean to say
And listen even if you don't want to hear it that way.

I guess I would be rude too
If I had nothing better to do.
You think as if your attitude doesn't matter.
I can taste your distaste.
I can feel your slap to the face
Just by your tone
And the demands you place.
I am maybe only a small element to your day,
But your negativity affects my work and my play.
It adds weeds to my good deeds
And if your perspective wasn't so flat
Maybe you would see I'm a person and not just that,
One with many feelings and talents,
Trying to find a balance
To my Atmosphere
And the world I create.
It is my own
And knowing what I've known
Makes me smarter and sadder,
But smiling cuz I've grown.
It's hard not to think of things in terms of amounting,
What I amount to,
But let's not count my change until I stop making the same mistakes.
I have trouble sleeping,
Worries I have trouble keeping.
I think too romantically sometimes
And my hopes get trapped in a tower,
Waiting for a prince,
A love to convince
My heart to keep beating the way it does,
Just like that,
Something about the way it sits in MY chest,
Something about me that you want to know the rest,
An answer to a question you would like to guess,
A friend you get to undress,
And rhyme to ,
Climb to
New levels of love with.
There is no limit, only tomorrow
And that's better than yesterday,
Let's keep it so everyday.
So please don't be rude to me
Because I took a little long getting your drink refill and ketchup.
I am more than your appalling attitude.

When I was barely a person
A baby you might say
I never strayed from my mothers side-
Except for this one time
When she was writing a check
And the high pitched panic in her voice
Alerted all the other 80's moms in the department store
That something wasn't right.
They lifted their teased haired heads up
like a Flock of Concerned Seagulls.
They knew something wasn't right
Because where the fuck was I?
I was being collected by some strange lady
Casually steering me out the doors and to the parking lot but
A good strange lady instinctively knew that I didn't belong to this person,
And brought me to my infinitely grateful mother
And I wonder
For a slight and scary second
What my life would be like if I had gone past that parking lot.

Mad

It is easy
to carry a torch
& pitchfork,
easy
to be rigid
& hot with assumptions,
easy as
violent apathy.
Not difficult
to have
fire in your eyes
& angry ammunition.
While you are aiming,
you don't see the arrow in your own chest.
A tidal wave of fuck you
turned to a pool of regret.
Because
talking about it seems soft
although
it's harder to do,
harder because it says there's not just a me but a you,
harder to be vulnerable to pain,
harder to try to understand,
to let go of your weapons of defense in hand.
& I guess
smashing a window is one way to open one,
but it's not the best.

Reading everything from the past month kind of makes me cringe. I was truly sad though, and I let myself feel everything. Life is getting better & scarier simultaneously. I think I'm just getting the swing of things and then some pebble of plot twist fucks with the spokes in my wheels. I am still excited though.

This is the 666th post (including drafts) and it freaks me out.