When I was small & more unsure
I pretended to be mad & smash my toys
when my dad was yelling everything out of of him.
Anger seemed better
than addressing the real fear
that love can scare you too.
I mimick the moods of the ones I'm with.
I'm sad if they're sad.
I try to understand
by feeling the same way too.
Lovers take notice.
I absorb too much or become aloof.
"Don't take it personally,"
Well I do.
"It's not about you,"
no- but I feel it from you.
Why even begin
& that fight in my head sometimes wins.
If I can't fix it I'll be it.

EDC 2014

I was on my own 
but my friends weren't far away, 
I liked being alone,
swaying my body around,
feeling the pulse of the crowd,
warm & thick with energy.
I was enchanted by neon lights
& fireworks in the sky.
Ferris wheels were turning in my eyes,
moving constantly like my feet.
My pupils cut through the crowd
to land on you
& tell you with no sound 
that you should come over here. 
You pointed to yourself 
to ask if that's what I really meant.
I laughed & nodded
so you came to meet my face
& ask if you could please 
dance with me.
You fit around me naturally,
your body felt right to me.
A kiss was as inevitable
as the flow between us.
You told me your name 
& I said mine,
you lived hours away from me
so we just sighed,
knowing names & locations 
& what we taste like, 
knowing
a moment,
a memory 
that plays like a song
pulling you towards something.

you're angry,
but we both cry.
we hold each other.
that's what we have right now.
& we know
when we let go
there is no tomorrow.

              
         You love the drugs of love,
       the waves of moods & longing,
      you love your pupils expanding with
           a vision of the future.
      You mix the heat of passion inside
       & the cold you have as fears from the heat 
        & you are the sea.
    Some ride or drown in it willingly.
       Those who can swim will seem to tame you
      but know you can swallow them whole.

Please don't let me be afraid of my talents
Because I'm afraid of being too much
I want to connect to people I've never met
I want to find peace in others like me
I want my universe inside
to collide with others

I will forget my keys 
or responsibilities- 
my memory seems 
to have no place 
for these practical things.
There is no space for simple tasks,
reminders fall off hooks 
& onto the floor,
but I still remember being four 
& seeing a red gummy bear
left behind in a planter box,
a limited edition,
gelatinous discovery 
with added pine needle texture.
This was rare because 
my mom was a nurse &
wanted only healthy things 
in our cabinets & tummies,
healthy-boring-thank-you-very-much-
from-an-adult-perspective things, 
so I knew in my head  
this was an opportunity
& even with a dirt marinade 
this gummy beast
would taste like magic, 
so I ate it!
unnecessarily crunchy & sweet 
& sticky & delicious,
red dye 40 stretched & sacrificed 
over my tongue,
a little bear spread 
over my little teeth, 
a taste bud & germ party,
suspiciously delicious but worth it; 
so now can you see
why it's so hard for me 
to just forget someone? 

The best compliment I've ever received

I was serving tables, getting paid for my smile, 

scraping my patience off of plates.

I was building a character to persuade the dollars 

out of your wallet. I was debuting small stand up routines 

& saying hello to your cute babies.

I was taking photos of your entire family 
& listening to your girlfriend bitch about the soup.

I was panicking about forgotten sides of ranch

or seeing exes & people from high school.

I was hooking your friends up with samples

& receiving passive aggressive pickup lines 
written on receipts with shitty tips. 

I was displaying my generosity & overall ability 

to be like a stripper with food.

I came up to the booth where a pleasant old man 

sat with his younger generations.

He stared directly at my stomach,

& I was thinking  

Do I have food on my shirt or am I bloated today...shit okay.

But I kept bringing plates & jokes.

I kept rushing around to small fractions 
of people's lives in their moments. 

I kept bending my arms & back to the shape of the trays,

holding the weight of drinks & expectations,

checking everyone's status. 

Every time 

the old man looked directly at my stomach.

When our time together was ending,

he said, eye level to my belly button: 

"You know, I'm blind, but I can just tell

that you're cute as hell." 

.Laura Curren.