Apathy struck 

like a cut l didn’t even

realize was bleeding

.Laura Curren. 

A large coffee stain on my living room carpet 

used to bother me so much. 

Peppermint mocha bullshit. 

Irritating me from the corner of my eye.

l covered it with a decorative box. 

But l knew it was there. 

I’d come back to it & soak it with stain lifters 

& my frustration. l was persistent. 

It lasted through a couple relationships. 

One ex said “you’re never going to get that out. 

You could spend that energy 

cleaning the rest of your house.” 

But l say l don’t work that way! 

I’m always extreme. Either it’s a disaster 

or it’s like it was never there. 

The day the stain finally lifted from beige fibers, 

l smiled at its absence 

& the rest of my messy house.

 “See! l got it out.” 

.Laura Curren.

Crestfallen;

what a beautiful way 

to say 

it didn’t come out the way

I planned.

My head held up by mechanics 

& optimistic humor

has fallen, 

has sunk into a moment.

The deeper I sink 

the more it meant to me. 

Pain becomes my skin 

& I protect it by fighting.

But eventually,

violently, 

then quietly, 

anger leaves me 

& what it meant to me 

rolls down my cheeks.

.Laura Curren.

A large coffee stain on my living room carpet 

used to bother me so much. Peppermint mocha bullshit. Irritating me from the corner of my eye. 

l covered it with a decorative box. But l knew it was there. I’d come back to it to soak it with stain lifters 

& my frustration. l was persistent. 

It lasted through a couple relationships. 

One ex said “you’re never going to get that out. You could spend that energy cleaning the rest of your house.” 

But l don’t work that way! l say. I’m always extreme. 

Either it’s a disaster or it’s like it was never there. 

the day that mess was finally lifted from beige fibers, l smiled at its absence & the rest of my messy home. 

“See! l got it out.” 

.Laura Curren.

At the height of feeling low, 

l once asked whoever or whatever was listening 

that l wouldn’t care as much as l do. 

To take all this everything l feel

& make it muted. Make it nothing. 

Heartbreak & anger & sorrow & romance. 

Everything all at once. 

I’m everything all at once. 

Then apathy struck 

like a cut l didn’t even realize was bleeding. 

The colors in my heart left

& l became a host to vacancy. 

But even when silent screams stopped in my eyes,

even in this blank state of mind, 

l wished to take it all back. 

To feel is to be alive.  

.Laura Curren.

I know this world 

is not without darkness 

but just like the moon

pulls the tides 

love will always 

bring the light 

back to your eyes.

Plant seeds of kindness 

& you'll watch 

beautiful things grow.

Those who love you 

will string lights on your eyelashes 

& show you the magic 

you already had inside.

It's up to you though 

to find

the unfolding story of your mind, 

to love the way you read it

& share it the best way you can.

        .Laura Curren.

You're a memory for the shelf, 

a magnet to remind me, 

a postcard of emotions

& what your life appears to be. 

You're glowing teeth, 

salt around the rim,

fresh burned cheeks, 

a sexy sting.

You're a language I don't speak. 

You melt the taste of your days 

on my tongue. 

You're a vacation, 

but you're not home. 

.Laura Curren.

Being with you was as natural 

& frustrating as writing is.

Sometimes I just couldn't explain you. 

I didn't know what you were trying to be. 

I couldn't find the right shape for you,

your structure escaped me. 

I felt like I was climbing up a pile 

of my discarded words. 

I felt like it was all wrong 

& no one wanted to see me desperately 

try to make sense of something. 

No one wanted to see me analyze 

the smallest sentences. 

But other times, you came to me 

just because I thought of you. 

You knew without me having to say. 

You tore down doors. 

You spread over me easily.

Your mouth was starved for 

my vowels crying out. 

Every part of me felt inspired. 

When we were on the same page, 

I never wanted to stop reading it.

.Laura Curren.

The colors I've learned to see

are muffled by something darker. 

I know the sun remains 

burning without question, 

burning to save us all. 

But when darkness starts to suffocate, 

only my perception 

can illuminate this fact

that just like the sun, darkness, 

is always there 

& my anger makes it bleed over me. 

My calm is a cure 

for dimmed skies & eyes. 

My spirit absorbs sorrow 

& releases it like the rain 

that comes & goes. 

.Laura Curren. 

It's so easy to project the future 

onto someone else, to take their pieces 

& fill them in with your own.

I want to look past 

the fantasies I spread over their 

skin & direct them

into something wider than I know.

I want to project onto 

the mountains & the oceans, 

the vast unknown,

I want to finally see myself. 

.Laura Curren.

You told me to look in your eyes,

the black holes of your pupils 

while all your desires 

were swallowing my skin. 

You wanted me to see that you could be free for a moment. 

You could forget everything harsh while inside the idea of intimacy. 

For a moment you could forget who you were. 

You grabbed me like everything you wish you could for yourself. 

My touch spread love over your skin. 

The stars laced in my eyes & were lit by my ideals. 

I created constellations to predict the future 

& I scared the fuck out of you. 

Our world together couldnt be sustained. 

It erupted & froze before my sight. 

Our passion was a lesson neither of us wanted to learn. 

.Laura Curren.

I could hurt you & you could hurt me. 

Isn't that the point? The duality of life. 

The greatest joys can bring the greatest pain. 

Every step closer to your heart 

could be considered insane. 

But I crack open my own over & over 

just to see what’s inside. 

I soak in my storm 

& though I’m heavy, 

I feel alive. 

I feel a part of an understanding. 

.Laura Curren. 

I get comfortable. 

The reality of how things have evolved sets in. 

I can feel a change. I fear it too. 

I panic for a moment. But I want it.  

I want it so bad I make it my world 

& forget I had my own before it. 

So I tell myself to relax. 

but I feel their sentiments & affection weaken 

the deeper I get. 

I feel a dull paranoia reminding me this has all 

happened before.

The further I reach for validation 

I'm left to look only in my own eyes & wonder what 

invites faded promises. But my blame serves no purpose. 

I look in my own eyes & see a version of myself who tells me this will all make sense someday. These emotional tests. 

These days. This doubt. It will all amount to something better, lighter, than this feeling. 

I'll keep telling myself that until I believe it. 

You break my screen door 

because you've become unhinged too

& you want me to know how it feels. 

The fists in your eyes

are concealed cries for everything 

that could've been. 

You knock a picture off the wall

because it shouldn't have been there at all you say,

we should've never met,

I should've never said

I love you.

but I don't feel it like you 

so you show me with broken objects, fallen memories. 

The sound of your voice doesn't have the same effect 

so your last words are a slammed door with a broken screen. 

.Laura Curren.

We talk & laugh 
until I forget what's wrong with me.
Your mind & touch revive 
what I thought had stopped breathing 
& lost meaning.
My tongue with your taste 
& the sound of your name
vibrating off my teeth
unhinge closed doors.   
You push all you are into me
& I hold onto you 
as if that's where you belong. 

.Laura Curren.

For awhile I wanted someone to have their 
arm around me as a prop.
I wanted exes to see that I could still do things,
I could still be fun while my thoughts were stamped 
by the same words over & over, that the light in my
eyes wasn't drowning by the weights in my mind.
I wanted smiles to create curiosity. 
I wanted to prove to people I could shake myself out 
of my own lovesick heart. I wanted to be a new 
confident picture. I wanted the wrong reasons. 
But when I sat to rest with my own thoughts 
after endlessly being out of breath,I stopped 
thinking about how people perceived my happiness. 
Not how it all looked, but how it really felt. 
While I was screaming internally for attention, 
I never knew that I was really screaming for myself. 
The screams turned into soft reminders. 
A moment of peace spread over my chest & decided to 
stay for as long as I invited it. 
I smiled, no longer proving it to others 
but owing it to myself. 

.Laura Curren.

You only care 

when I don't care.

When my words are flat

you want to stretch them out with 

wide eyed reminiscing. 

You want my reactions to fill hollow letters.

You want all my passion

but you don't want to keep it. 

.Laura Curren.

Every good quality
could be told to me
about somebody
but if I don't feel it,
I can't be told anything.
The chemistry of my body
has other plans in mind.

.Laura Curren.

I could collect all the poems on this earth
to tell you that you're the best there is
& for once I won't have to explain why,
it'll speak in my eyes & stride,
in the silent bond
of my rambling heart to yours.

Some trees might wonder 

why the rain can be so

volatile with its' love;

what gives life also

cracks branches in chaos.

This violent romance 

seduces swaying to one side.

This lust for love 

teases with softer strokes 

but shows

it's powerful enough 

to uproot comfortable-

whether it kills 

or forces growth

in a different place.

.Laura Curren.

Your actions murder

nostalgic butterflies but

your words bring them back,

your eyes sway their flight 

when you tell them you've changed, 

when you offer hands 

for them to land on 

but love is a verb; 

it takes practice & presence

it takes energy, 

it gives everything 

that sweet sentences can't hold,

it evolves with wings. 

.Laura Curren.

These lines on my face 

are maps to the memories 

I've visited &

they will show you the

bigger picture; I loved, I 

cared, I laughed, I thought 

deeply. I'm defined,

refined, sharpened by the years

but tending to my 

soft will keep me young 

no matter the shade

under my eyes or if my

bones ache. Prickled walls 

will never ask what

makes me feel alive & how

I radiate that. 

It's true that the more

open I let my heart be, the

emptier it feels

but when it's full, it 

brims to my eyes, it spills from 

everything I do. 

.Laura Curren.

Past loves have painted 

on the walls of my heart;

their art fades but marks me. 

I run my fingers 

over muted bright colors;

the magic remains 

but it doesn't cast the same 

spells as long ago-

it surrenders to 

the collapsing words, “Oh well" 

& finds life elsewhere. 

.Laura Curren.

There are those nights when the dogs barking outside 
won't shut the fuck up,
when I wonder if theres something in the air-
a wistful wave that blankets us,
some shade of terror that only the animals see.

.Laura Curren. 

I used to dig my nails into jagged edges

that I called love.

I wanted to believe my grip 

scratched the surface of untapped feelings

& this weight would become lighter 

if I just pushed harder, looked further,

if I still climbed for you,

held on for you.

I kept cutting my hands on potential.

I'd sweat & bleed to be someone you need

but it took me so long to see 

it's not because I was weak 

that I couldn't pull myself up.

I clung to ideas 

facing the wrong way.

I was afraid of turning around 

& falling down

but really it was 

flirtatious fear keeping me 

dangling.

I chose to stop reaching for 

what doesn't reach for me.

I loosened my hands

& told myself,

to trust where my heart 

carries my body, 

to let myself be pulled 

by love's gravity,

let go 

let go 

 let go.  

.Laura Curren.