for jon, unedited just like you

You tell me about your new job,
You stand guard at the entrance,
They pay you well for this.
But I know that your heart is as giant as you are
& threats aren't apart of your vocabulary.
We talk about how we'd like it if you didnt just die,
But the idea of heaven is boring to us.
Why not be recycled until you get it right?
& you look at me and say thoughtfully,
"I dont think I got it right this time around."
& I feel the same way,
Delightfully misguided,
Destructive with a good sense of humor,
Spilling with mistakes & a genuine optimism,
Deep feeling but consequently deeply distracted.
Our muses make us turn to vices,
Liquid chaos to free ourselves from our own created kind.
I know we dont always incite gentle words,
& our palms may be black from fires we have shaped ourselves,
But those are the hearts that wander into the most profoundly lit realms,
Areas that have been found only by sinking into the deepest black.
You talk to me about a girl who kissed you like no one else,
She just seemed to fit your face.
I know what you mean,
When you find someone to melt into,
When you find someone who curls around you in every sense.
The smell, the taste, the fit, the hold, the feeling, the look, the fury, the fire, the peace.
I don't really know if I want to get it right this time.
My heart hurts but the lessons have been such an amazing reminder of all that I'm capable of.
Sometimes all I want to do is to escape into a haze,
Uninhibited,
Thoughtless,
Distracted.
But I want to be deeper than this,
I know I can be & you too, my friend.
I know this because the words you choose dont just aimlessly hang in the air,
but are carefully considered before they're worn.
I know this by the glow in your eyes,
There is nothing vacant about what it says.
We agree that pain is not to be polished inside,
Not to be neatly stuffed back in,
Or folded away, somewhere over there,
But to be untied from the torn threads of your thoughts.
Those who really love you will tug gently on them to see where they have started.
Oh its so good to see you, and talk, really talk.
I skip a breath and sigh, I feel alive.
Though we may not be getting it right,
At this time it feels like the stars are smirking about something inside our minds,
An endless need to share love, despite squeezing its hand too tight or slapping it away,
& perhaps thats the glow I see,
Your desires radiating off of you,
A warmth that must be felt and seen,
A warmth that makes me excited for the next life.