fire sign

kinda sucks. just started writing it this morning. it has potential...just like me?

When I was young,
I didnt know it was there.
I always thought
It wasnt.
That's it.
I'm not like that.
I thought passion was a dream.
I was so shy,
Achingly so.
I felt quiet
and underwater.
I read in books and saw in movies
About those looks that people give each other,
Looks that mean more than words,
Looks that say "I want what you have,
Please give it to me."
Please.
I felt I would never know this.
I felt carefully contained.
Those who knew me
Knew this wasnt right.
As my ideas started to grow,
It began to too.
It started humble
as sparks of self esteem do.
It started to smoke and be
Hot with confidence.
People want to know me.
People want to care.
People want more of me
That I didnt know was there.
Because this is so new and fresh,
Because this is such a shaking to the shy,
I feel drunk with curiosity.
I want to touch every hot surface.
I want to break hearts and limits,
Have what I never thought I could
Just to have it.
I want to be a pirate of feelings,
To take it all, lust and loyalty,
Drink it down and sigh.
I want to make you laugh so hard it hurts
But I'll keep my distance
In case you cause me pain.
I was so afraid of it before,
But it was always inside,
Just not tendered by me.
I put it in a box,
So I wouldnt fuck it up,
But you can't hide for too long.
I just wanted to feel pretty,
And now I feel chaos.
Now I feel a different fear.
I dont know how to direct it,
This fire inside,
Catching to the trees of my mind.
The innocence of my past
Has turned to black.
I want some of it back.
I've wanted too much,
I can't go back.
I feel out of control,
Out of reach.
All I feel is flames.
Nobody can really touch me.
Nobody can really save me,
Or maybe I'm too shy to ask.