shmeh

I don't know what
but I know why
and the why is because
I want to love
I want to help people know how to love
so they can feel it for themselves
I don't want to take my efforts
and shove them into narrow spaces to file away
I don't want to sit down
in so many ways.
I want to move
mentally, physically
I want to be here in the present
hugging my life until it gasps
and remembers it's alive,
as a life should remember.
I want to kick down the walls of this cubicle
and see without measure.
I can't help but build fears with the years,
but my judgement has softened,
I understand so many more things.
I understand my eyes through another's.
I understand the pain I have given and received.
I understand that I may feel differently in a year.
My mood changes so much and sometimes it can affect my whole day
and that particular day could affect my whole life or someone's else's.
Sometimes I almost envy people who can only see in black and white,
because it must be easy,
it must be nice to have a mind so simple.
Love comes in many colors.
Many complexities.
It can be dark, it's true...
but richer colors arent without their hues.
I happen to like a stormy day.
I happen to find theyre more beautiful and true than a bird chirping blue.
I feel as though my thoughts collect into the clouds.
They swell and shift and almoggst burst.
They scatter and alert me of change,
a sudden realization like a drop of rain upon your face,
"Oh." you say to yourself.