Saturday, July 19, 2014

Timing part II

Timing can make you laugh, but if it's not right, the joke is cruel.

So I was kind of obsessed with the thought of meeting someone in a random place. I found myself looking for somebody in the check out line, the treadmill next to me, my coffee cup.  I wanted a moment when someone discovered me-their thoughts were so interrupted by me, this woman who seems so fascinating and surely must be approached because who knows when she'll be around again. The problem with this is that if you are looking for someone to say that, it loses the whole discovery appeal. It might make you pull a Christopher Colombus and say hey this isn't really what I was looking for but I'll take it and even fake it by giving it a label it shouldn't be.

So I felt myself pining and I wanted to shove this feeling down from my searching eyes and keep them looking straight ahead. But I have googly eyes for love. I'm cross eyed for the shit. I cant keep my head on straight when I'm always turning it in somebody else's direction. I know this pulls me away from my own reflection. I know I am a fool for romance...but I admit I like to be fooled by it. It's something to write about. So I just tried to do my thing. And things were done. I went to the gym after working late at night. Single whatever, my ass looks great. So after sweating out some troubles, I went to sit in my own hard earned sweat in the steam room. I went in there but something was wrong. No curling clouds of steam, just stagnant dull air. Actually it smelled like hot ass. So then you came in- ducked in, because you're tall. Oooh hey, nice and tall. And you smile and say "hey, it's not working."

"Oh shit I was wondering!- I thought so...It smells fucking terrible in here."
You laughed and went back out to the hot tub you were originally sitting in. Thanks for getting up to tell me. Then I go sit down in the hot tub to tell you my name. You know my old friend/acquaintance and you're sitting together so this gives me an excuse to talk to you. My old friend is trying to talk to me more. But I want to talk to you. Old friend gets my number. But I want you to get it.

A week or so later I happen to finish my workout again at the same time you do but this time you are by yourself in the hot tub. Normally I would go to the steam room first but I dip in next to you. We talk for awhile amidst jets and relaxing strangers. I can tell you're staying longer to talk to me. I'm turning wrinkly because I like the way our conversation flows. I like those pretty gray green eyes and your tattoos and how tall you are. I like how you answer my questions and seem a little shy but comfortable around me. You seem deep. I like that you lit up a little when you saw me. I saw something dance under those eyelashes. I saw something. So we talked for a little too long. You smoke, I smoke, and we could smoke together so I use this as an excuse to take this conversation to a real place. "I'll give you some if you want," you tell me. I say yeah I'm running low (not really) so we plan to meet up at my car outside. I put on my change of clothes and take my hair down. I try to look pretty. I try to see me as you would. I see you coming towards me at my car. I'm kinda excited for you to see me looking like I do outside of hair thrown up, wearing my mismatched bikini in a hot tub full of wild card characters. A stew of sweaty strangers. I see you walking toward me. So tall! I imagine being scooped up in those arms. Take it easy brain/vagina I say to myself. But my mind has fantasies to enjoy, so be it. So you sit In my car and give me a fun lump of weed and I give you some money and a charming smile.
I say in my best cool casual way, "Well shit man come smoke with me sometime." But I'm not just gonna give you my number. There's a small pause and then you say "Well do you want my number in case you need some weed again?" "In case"-so safe.

I reply confidently, "Yeah. There you go." Then later I text you and thank you for your green sacrifice. We end up texting back and forth for the night. It's cool. I like it. It's easy to talk to each other.  I think about hanging out. Then I think about how perfect the timing was. I almost didn't go to the gym because of other plans but those fell through. Those fell through so I fall a little for you. I think how perfect that I happen to finish working out at that time. How perfect that you live in walnut creek and work in Danville near me. What great timing for this moment to happen. A couple days later I have a rare day off and ask what you're doing. Working. Ah man too bad I say because I want a partner in crime to come to Berkeley with me. So I say aw too bad cuz I'm going to Berkeley blah blah something something please think I'm cool and cute. But you never respond to that. Aw fuck then. I let it sit. Stew like strangers in a hot tub.

      I see you again a few days later. Well I see you playing basketball from the large glass window in front of the stretching mats/ballerina type bar thing looking down on the court. I throw one leg up on the bar and touch my toes. I lean longer than usual because I'm watching you pretending to be very involved in my stretch and not to watch you. I kind of think you see me. Or saw me and are now pretending not to know that I'm up above testing those hamstrings and secret spying looks. I also think you see me up there because you make a basket and hold onto the hoop dramatically like you own the court. You're currently owning it for me but still, I can't help but think Oh look he's showin off. How cute. But I'm also being a bit of a snob from afar because you never got back to me that last time. So I pretend like I'm not looking. I smile and lean to the side and avert my gaze. I have better things to look at I'm trying to say with my ankle resting up in the air. I don't need to look at you. But if I like something, its hard for me to hold back. A blessing and a curse. The right people love it. So I text you again a little bit afer this passive aggressive exchange that may have only been an exchange in my head.
"Hey you wanna smoke with me?"

No response for a little while. Oh great, oh well, oh this oh that. But! Oh! You do respond. Not just a short response but a well thought out one with proper grammar. I'm enamored. While reading it though, I find it sliding down to a point I didn't want it to go. Can't we go back up? You say you do want to hang out but don't want to give me the wrong impression. You have a girlfriend. You think I'm very attractive, down to earth, and easy to talk to. But you have a girlfriend. You say you didn't mean to be rude and cut me off because you think I'm pretty cool. You think I'm "really hot" and you say you guess you got "a little caught up" and you're sorry. I tell you I think the same of you and I appreciate your honesty. I tell you I'm always down for more friends and sorry if I came off as too aggressive. You tell me you can't lie, the aggressiveness was a turn on. that I threw you off a little. You'd still like to be friends though, and talk at the gym. I don't respond. Maybe another time.
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