Friday, September 2, 2016

I had so much anxiety driving
that I avoided highways.
I was tutoring kids after school
& taking back roads from my high school.
My boss looked at me like I was fucking crazy
when I said I was late because of a detour.
My heart would start pounding
while concrete escaped too fast beneath me.
All possible outcomes would crush me.
GPS wasn't there to steer my sweaty hands.
I made CDs to help drown out my nerves.
I calmed myself down at sharp turns.
but once I knew the route well it was okay.
Like to my best friends house
where she was having a party.
I found out you were back in town
& might be there. I saw you walk in the door
& had to consciously wrestle my smile
from taking over my entire face. but you smiled too.
You asked if we could hang out.
You lived 3 hours away.
but soon you drove those hours to me frequently.
&without much thought suddenly a new fear
became more important to me,
the fear of not seeing this through...
& it was amazing to me that I could
shake the snakes out of my head
for the softer parts of my heart.
For passion & affection, for seeing in your eyes
a part of my life open for me.
When I was speeding down those highways
I knew I was falling in love.

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