Tuesday, September 13, 2016
My attention, my energy was depleting
so I reached for anything, something. yours.
I closed my eyes to the dark so I could
shut it out & control it first by doing it myself.
I pulled you over my head like a sweater that waits
for this time of year.
It felt good to be wrapped up rather than unraveled.
I for once was feeling the warmth around me
instead of hugging other shoulders.
But warm is heavy when you're not ready.
I wondered when this was all going to rip apart.
I wondered when you would find prettier skin to fit
around. So I lifted you over my head. You held me
& watched me shed.
I peeled you away until I showed you how cold
I could be. I told you I felt trapped & the wind
made me feel alive. I wasn't done with the pain;
shivering from something that's been taken.
I wasn't done with falling to the floor,
crying for fire that's not there anymore.
I wanted to feel that sharp sting on my cheeks
from air almost too cold to breathe...
to feel truly weak. I became what exhausted me.
I wasn't done breaking my own heart.