I saw your number appear & vibrate under glass

because I have no name for someone who always left

but I know that area code & I froze 

holding a sequence of digits I happen to know

& mine you probably don't, 

it was a string of numbers I held & let go.

My heart beat was as rapid as signals from space 

delivering words from the thoughts in your brain.

I wanted to know how you are, what you might say

but I remember the last time you called I almost cried,

my feelings leaked out from the inside.

I couldn't paint a picture as nicely as you did,
as if there wasn't any dust between us.

I was scared I still wanted you 

so my words caught in my throat for a minute 

& it felt shitty & genuine to tell you I wasn't great.

It was hard to leave you & feel I had to.

In those seconds I wondered if I should again,
if I should answer

but I knew & maybe always did.