Sunday, July 8, 2012

I still like to read missed connections. Today I read this one. Not really a missed connection, but a missed chance I guess. If only people were this heartfelt and honest with each other upfront.

Towards the end I could see a change in your demeanor. My mood swings and depressive ways where wearing you out. Hell they where wearing us out. You're a tough girl, the toughest I know. I did get the feeling you might have been willing to let us go and I don't begrudge you for that. You're also a smart girl and your heart is always the priority. You should get a medal for putting up with me for as long as you did. I know you loved me though and still do. I realized how unfair it was to keep us both in this tiring relationship. We aren't getting any younger and you should have the opportunity to find another while still in your youth. It would be selfish for me to hold on for the sake of love. Love is a gradient as we know and it's no excuse for retainment or confinement. I never felt confined with you. Im realizing my propensity to wear others down. I'm a horrible friend. I find a way to alienate others to keep myself at a safe distance. Im a decent mate when I'm not depressed and wandering in to the what it's of life. Looking at others while holding your hand is natural yet shameful. I tried hard. I really did. The difference now is I'm old enough to know from past experience when the slope is edging downward. And that downward may just be my downward. I know you would have gone anywhere with me even down but I cant allow that. Who's to know what may have been? Maybe we could have married and been a family and worked hard to make it work. I have my life to wonder. I guess it really doesn't matter but I hope you don't despise me. I really do love you. I was never trying to play you. If you think I was, I'm sorry. I still do love you. Scared Little Boy

I find a way to alienate others to keep myself at a safe distance. I feel you on that one random guy. I hope you find a way to leave that behind. I hope I do too.
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